Page 15 of Maverick
“I did for a while, but then I got tired of messing with it, so I took it out and let it close up. Because I’m also bad at following through. But I’m a damn good horsewoman.”
“I know you are. I’ve seen you ride.”
“Thanks,” she says.
“It’s not an empty compliment. You’re good.”
I know a lot about form and function when it comes to equestrian events. If not for Sadie, I probably wouldn’t, but I was pretty deep in that world for a while. Finding out that Stella isn’t exclusively a barrel racer shouldn’t surprise me, actually. She carries herself like someone who’s done their time in dressage. It’s a thing.
She’s looking at me like she doesn’t entirely trust me. That’s fair. I’ve cultivated that.
“Thanks,” she says slowly.
“You’re welcome. So, if I leave you alone are you going to try to throw your virginity at anybody else?”
She sniffs. Loudly. “It’s not really your business if I do.”
“True. How about this? Don’t make it a random thing. I mean, make a random hookup if you want, but choose the guy.Don’t leave it up to the poker cards.” I stand up and drain the coffee cup. That puts us about six inches from each other, her leaning against the counter, me standing there by the bed. She’s a small little thing. So pretty. There’s a whole lot of beauty in this world, and it’s not meant for me.
I’m clear on that.
It’s not meant for me anymore.
I tried making space for myself in heaven, and I was locked out. A pretty definitive response on what kind of life I’m allowed to lead, and I’ve accepted that.
More or less.
It’s a little bit harder right now. Makes the back of my teeth ache.
“Life has a bad sense of humor. You go leaving things up to the winds of fate, and it’s liable to rebound on you. You got lucky last night.”
She snorts. “I didn’t get lucky. That’s kind of the whole thing.”
“Yeah.” I look down and notice that her nipples are hard points. I bite the inside of my cheek and look back up. I’m not going to look back down again.
“Promise me.”
“Why?”
“You made me invested in you,” I say. “Frankly, I resent it.”
“Feel free to not be.”
“But I am. Too late. Be good.” I lean in and set the coffee cup on the counter, my arm crossing right by hers.
She jumps, and it brings her just a little bit closer to me. Maybe I’m perverse. But this is the closest thing to action I’ve had for years. So I’m kind of enjoying it. Even though I know full well that I shouldn’t be.
I guess it doesn’t take much to give you a thrill when your life has been short on them. Well, this kind of thrill. I chased that adrenaline high every weekend during the season.
Every weekend.
“See you around, Stella.”
“Yeah. See you around.”
I step out of the horse trailer and shut the door behind me. There are some people around, witnessing what appears to be a walk of shame.
That girl.
