Page 14 of Maverick
Generally speaking, I don’t miss that, but it’s part of caring. And I do miss that sometimes.
Caring. Feeling. Wanting.
Instead of just a grim drive to finish a task so I can…
I find it best to never think about what might come after.
“You’re clearly going through something,” I say.
“Is this a therapy session?”
“It can be. I don’t charge an hourly rate. The cup of coffee will do.”
She’s staring at me like I’ve grown a second head.
“Yes?” I ask.
“I didn’t know you were human. I just thought you were…”
“The specter of doom rolling around the arena? An easy mistake to make.”
“Yes, exactly that.”
“Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Yeah, what I did was stupid. But I told you last night, humiliating as it is, I’m a virgin. And I’m tired of it.”
“It would not be hard for you to get laid if you wanted to get laid. You don’t need to bet yourself away to some random game of chance.”
“I know. I mean, I’m not being down on myself or anything, but… men will stick it in a hollow tree, and we both know that. Except you, apparently.”
“The men who will stick it in a hollow tree don’t have scruples. Some of us do. Men as a species might not, but I have no investment in taking advantage of someone who’s clearly in a bad space.”
She looks down, her cheeks turning pink. “I thought you would.”
“I know. I do like to cultivate a reputation, but I’m an asshole, not a predator. Two different things.”
Her eyes meet mine. “I guess so. My sister is getting married. My sister was also made the shortlist for the Olympic dressage team at only twenty-two. While I have never been close to the Olympic team, like I aspired to be by this point.
Partly my own fault.
“Is this your first time staring mortality down?”
She looks away from me again. I feel a shift of sympathy in my chest, which is so unusual that I feel like I might need to go to a doctor and check and see if I’m ill. What the fuck. She’s too young to have to ask questions about mortality and life, but then, so was I. I know what it’s like. And yeah, her circumstances might be different, but she is a woman. In my experience, women are so much more introspective and self-aware than men. It took something catastrophic to make me examine things. I’m not sure that I’ve done it very well.
Hell, I know I haven’t.
But that’s for the other side of the championship. Once I win that, I think it’ll be fixed. Well, fixed is a strong word. The wrong word. Not fixed, but… It’ll be a different phase. I’ll be able to move on.
Yeah. That’s what it’ll be. Time to move on.
“Yes,” she says. “My first time. And it all came crashing in on me last night and I did something impulsive. Unfortunately, I have a history of doing that.”
“Right. I’m gathering that.”
“That’s why my parents like my sister better, just FYI. She’s a good one. I’m the one who would decide to dye my hair pink or get my nose pierced.”
“You don’t have a pierced nose.”
