Page 133 of Slew Foot
Gavin continued, “I think it’s important for Mickey to talk to a mental health expert right now.”
Rafe nodded. “Me too. I’ll try to make sure he does at least one of those things.”
“But I also think you two need to find a way to worktogether,” Gavin said. “To some extent, I’ve been in Mickey’s shoes. Or, I know what it’s like to feel like your life is beginning to spiral into something you don’t recognize, anyway. And I think situations like this are especially hard for those of us who like to havecontrol. I don’t think it means your relationship isover. I do think this could be a turning point for the two of you, however.”
“How?”
“How could it be a turning point?”
“No, how do we do that? How do we make it a good turning point instead of …” Rafe swallowed, throat a little thick. “Instead of something that breaks us apart.”
Because, he’d already had one relationship get fucked up by not communicating. He didn’t want that to happen again. Especially with Mickey.
“Well,” Gavin said slowly. “I think, first of all, you two need totalk. The roughest point in my relationship with Dakota was when I got in a fight with my brother. I—I’m estranged from my parents and Thad said something deeply hurtful. It wasn’t his fault, really. He didn’t know how much it would impact me but he—he told me something that cut very deep and made me feel very alone and very vulnerable, which Ihate. I know, shocking for a hockey player, right?”
Rafe snorted.
Gavin gave Rafe a small rueful grin, then continued.
“I took that feeling out on Dakota. Looking back, I think I was trying to isolate myself, push him away without having to say those words. But then my heart scare happened and it changed the situation. It forced us to be very honest with each other about our feelings. Without it, I’m not sure we would have made it through that time. While it’s not thesameas the situation you’re in with Mickey, I’m telling you because I hope you can learn from my mistakes.”
Rafe nodded.
“It seems to me that you’ve hit the nail on the head. Mickey is feeling vulnerable and is struggling with how to handle it. He’s probably scared and trying to push you away.”
“Yeah, definitely,” Rafe agreed.
“But if you love him, and it’s clear you do, you’ll need to become a team. Not fighting each other but learning to bandtogetherto fight whatever obstacles you face. You need to figure out how to work together and come up with solutions about how to—to meet each other’s needs without Mickey having to do all of the heavy lifting. Just until he’s recovered.”
“What if he doesn’t recover?” Rafe whispered. He didn’t want to imagine that happening, but it seemed stupid to ignore it was possible.
“Then you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it,” Gavin said firmly. “And you’ll adapt. For now, let’s focus on what we can do to support Mickey in the meantime. I must say, I haven’t known Mickey a whole lot longer than I’ve known you, but I think it’s accurate to say he’s someone who often gets overlooked. He’s so quietly self-contained, steady, and supportive of other people, I think he probably doesn’t get the supportheneeds or even know how to ask for it.”
“Exactly,” Rafe said.
Mickey’s mom had offered to fly to Boston to be with him and he’d turned her down! Rafe couldn’t imagine that.
“He’s very stubborn,” Rafe grumbled. “He wants to do everything by himself and he swears he doesn’t need any help, even when it’s totally obvious he does.”
“I’m familiar with the type.” Gavin gave him a wry smile. “That doesn’t shock me about Mickey either. I am very glad he has you in his corner though, Rafe. I am not sure anyone else would be able to get through to him the way you can.”
“But what do I actuallydo? I mean, what is myrolehere?”
“Your role is as his defensive partner and boyfriend. You accomplish that by finding ways to support Mickey while showing him that accepting your help doesn’t diminish hisauthority, so to speak.”
Rafe nodded.
“You don’t blindly do whatever he wants on the ice, do you?”
“No,” Rafe said with a snort. “He’s usually right when he tells me something, especially about my on-ice positioning. But if I don’t agree, I tell him. And we talk about it after.”
“This is no different. You feel comfortable telling him you don’t want something in the bedroom, right?”
“Yeah of course.”
“Then find a time when he’s feeling okay—or at least not actively struggling—share your concerns, tell him you want to work with him to find ways to support him and you will be there for him through it all. Help Mickey see he isn’t going to get through this by trying to go it alone. Stanley Cups aren’t won because of what a single player does. They’re won when an entire team buys into the belief they have the ability to achieve their dreams together. You and Mickey have to be in this together too.”
“But what about the actual team? I mean … the Harriers, not the Mickey-and-Rafe team?” he asked.
