Page 38 of Actions and Reactions
“Mr. Wayne, I’m Dr. Kekoa and I operated on your hand.”
“Nice to meet you,” Silas says, voice somewhat normal.
How did he achievesomewhat?
“Because of the way you injured yourself, I’ve ordered a psych evaluation. This is Dr. Denise.” He introduces the woman next to him and I look at her again. She has short white hair, and I’d put her anywhere between forty-five and sixty-five years old. I’m shit at guessing people’s ages.
“Hello, Mr. Wayne.” Her voice is as serene as her smile, and Si’s is tense.
“I don’t need a psych evaluation,” he mutters.
I snort before I can even think about it, and when I do, I don’t regret it.
What bullshit. This is all fucking bullshit.
As I look at him, I try to find the answers to questions I can’t even think of. I try to imagine what would happen if our roles were reversed.
If I were injured and he had a game the next day, would he go home to “get a good night’s sleep” for his game?
It clicks in my head then.
“It doesn’t matter that I’ve always loved you more than I love hockey,” I whisper. I don’t think through the implications of having this conversation now, and definitely don’t give two shits about the doctors standing behind me. “And it never will, because you love hockey more thananything, don’t you?”
I don’t expect an answer, and I don’t get one.
Silas just stares back, and this time he looks as shocked as I felt just a minute ago.
I nod once, finally understanding what’s real.
“I suppose it’s high time I figured out if I can live with that.” The thought alone has already shattered my heart into a million pieces. I won’t let it show, though, not right now. I know speaking my thoughts aloud probably isn’t helping, but I need to hear them and I’m way past hiding my feelings to avoid spooking Silas.
He needs to deal with reality too.
After one last glance for my memories, I stand and turn.
“I need to leave.” Dr. Kekoa nods through hisembarrassment, which I don’t blame him for. “His parents are on their way and should be here any minute.”
“I’ll let the reception downstairs know,” he murmurs. “We’ll take care of him,” he assures me, and that pity is back in his eyes. It burns my insides with shame.
I walk out of the room without a backwards glance.
But as I’m waiting for the elevator, Dr. Denise walks briskly toward me.
“Mr. Jankowski?—”
“Just Ivan is fine,” I tell her, and she nods.
“I know this is an incredibly sensitive moment for you, and I’m sorry to have to ask, but I fear you might be the perfect person to help me get a broader view of who Silas was before the accident you told Dr. Kekoa about before surgery.”
“Alright.” I sigh and the elevator opens right then. “Can we do it quickly?” I don’t even feel bad about how pathetic I sound.
“Of course.” We step in and I press the button for the main floor. “Can you tell me what Silas was like before the accident?”
“Yeah, uh... sure.” I clear my throat and fix my gaze on the little screen above the doors. “Silas was an easygoing guy, I guess. He was always relaxed, cocky even.” I can’t help but smile at that. I really loved how cocky he was. “He was mischievous, but only I got to see that side of him. I think his parents knew, because he got into trouble sometimes, but they neversawit, you know?
“When we weren’t playing hockey, we were thinkingabout it. Coming up with new plays or reminiscing about awesome goals we’d scored. We barely thought of anything else. Even when we played video games or did other stuff, we were planning our future as professional hockey players. And he was...so fucking good.” My breath catches in my throat and I’m so damn tired all of a sudden that I don’t even bother hiding the tears that slide down my cheeks.
Not even when the elevator doors open.
