Page 39 of Actions and Reactions
Dr. Denise walks silently next to me until we’re almost at the doors, then we stop, and I just stare at the wall behind her, but all I see is us as kids having the time of our lives.
“He made me a better player, and he was always trying to be better too. He wanted to be the best. Everyone thought he would be, but hewantedit, more than anything. He was, at his core, a hockey player, and he was happy. He smiled so easily and joked around, but when it came time to play he was focused, disciplined, and yeah, the best to ever hold a stick in my opinion.”
And since I’ve played next to Jules and I’ve seen Uncle Paul play, I know what the best is today, and I know they would’ve paled in comparison to Si.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, finally focusing on Dr. Denise’s face again.
“He’s not the same anymore,” I tell her, and I feel that loss deep inside me. “There are glimpses now and then. He’s fucking awesome at his job, and I know he still wants to be the best. And he’s proven to everyone at the Pirates that he is the best we can ask for, but he’s chasing that greatness still.”
“Thank you, Ivan,” she says softly.
“No problem.”
I nod and then make my way to the parking lot, but when I’m in my car with the engine running, I don’t know where to go.
I can’t fathom going back to my place, seeing that wall, reliving Si’s pain. So even though it’s late-ish and no one will be around, I make my way to the practice rink.
Maybe the ice under me will give me some clarity.
It doesn’t.
But it brings me a peace I know I couldn’t find anywhere else.
I don’t know how long I’m on the ice, skating without any real plan or need to practice any moves.
“You know I don’t actually know how to skate?”
The loud comment brings me up short and I find Gab standing by the bench, her chin resting on her fist.
I glide over to her.
“What are you doing here? And what do you mean you don’t know how to skate?”
That’s . . . insane.
“I was working late and heard you just now as I was leaving.” She shrugs. “And I never had any reason to learn to skate. Will you teach me?”
I know damn well she wants something, but I can’t say no to her, so I nod and walk with her to the equipment room. As I findthe smallest pair of skates we have, I get her some socks and set her up, all the while wondering if she knows Si’s in the hospital.
How could she know?
“What’s going on, Eagle?” she asks softly.
I stand and back away. There’s no reason not to tell her, so... I tell her. It all spills out of me in a string of incoherent thoughts, and when I’m done she holds up her hands. I pull her up and she pats my cheek.
“That’s a lot, and I’m glad he got the care he needs. Now, let’s try to think about something else since there’s not much else we can do, huh?”
“Yeah, okay.”
She’s wise, so who am I to argue with her?
Also, I can’t deny thereissome pride blooming in my chest. Out of everyone on the team she asked me to teach her to skate, and I’m not about to fumble that, so...
“Have you ever used roller skates?”
“Yes, I used to roll around the Santa Monica pier when I could get away.”
“I don’t know why, but I can’t picture you growing up in LA.”
