Page 71 of Wants and Needs
“Always helpful to have shared experiences.”
I nod, though I’m only now realizing it.
“We only realized we’re friends recently,” I admit, and love the sound of his laughter.
It’s a kind laugh. I definitely know the difference.
“So you met them at Harvard?” he asks, still only sounding curious.
“No.” I wonder briefly if I should keep the details to myself, but then decide not to. “I met them at the Center for Autistic Multidisciplinary Management in Boston, though Parker was a grad student at Harvard at the time, and William at MIT. They’re brilliant programmers and have not only helped me improve and develop the algorithm for ESoothe, but also expanded my vision for what is achievable using it.”
“They sound like amazing men.”
“They are.” I nod once. “In any case, they helped me research how to mend a friendship after an awkward situation, and?—”
I stop when Carter holds one palm out to me in the universal stop signal.
“Before we get into that let me just say, the way I reacted wasn’t right, Liam.” His eyes are a lot more open now, and he looks... distressed. That alone has me holding my tongue. “I should’ve been more aware that you’d been feeling... that way.” That pause has me confused enough to look up.
I understand what he meant by “that way,” but I’m still not following.
“I hadn’t told you, though,” I point out.
“I know, but I should’ve seen the signs.” Well that’s just not logical at all. I’m the one who should’ve realized it was all an act. He had no reason to believeIwasn’t acting.
“I might be really bad at reading facial cues, Carter, but no one can read minds.”
He opens his mouth. I can tell he’s ready for a rebuttal, but then he closes it and seems to deflate.
“I can’t refute that, now, can I?”
He makes me smile. How is he managing that?
“In any case, let’s just forget it ever happened,” I say, wanting to move this along so hopefully both of us can stop feeling bad. “We’ll fix our friendship using this fifteen-step program I?—”
“Can you try again?” Carter interrupts me.
“Try... what?” I’m not sure what he’s talking about.
He takes a deep breath, then steps toward me so we’re less than two feet away.
“I want you to kiss me again to see if I like it.”
I... don’t know what to say to that.
I feel like I need a panel of peer reviewers to explain to me what the right thing to do is, but I’m sure that would quadruple the amount of embarrassment that’s still in me.
“I already consider you a friend,” Carter continues. “And though I have lots of them, it’s not the same with you, and the last few days I’ve been wondering if this is why. If Iamattracted to you and just didn’t see or feel the signs. I pulled away so fast Ican barely remember the kiss, so I need you to kiss me again, and maybe this time do it on purpose?”
He says that last part like a question and I just... “I’m not sure I follow,” I tell him honestly. “I kissed you on purpose last time.”
“Well, yeah, but it was kind of rushed, you know? As if you did it as an impulse.”
“Of course it was an impulse,” I tell him, feeling like we’re talking in circles.
“I know, I know, but...” He trails off, and I see it then. He’s feeling embarrassed too.
“Just tell me,” I coax him gently. If there’s something I don’t want us to give up it’s our ability to speak truthfully.
