Page 70 of Wants and Needs
“I think it would be better if, for now, you only commit to seeing him again to discuss all of this in a day or two. More distance from the incident will give you more clarity, I believe,” Parker points out.
I nod a few times and then have to smile.
I have new friends that aren’t really new, and they’ve helped me however they can with my problems. This is better than anything that’s happened in the past decade as far as I’m concerned.
“I’ll do that now,” I tell them and get out my phone. After I hit send I look at them, and continue the friendship ritual. “Is there anything you guys want to discuss?”
“I have something,” William says excitedly. “But I think we should head to CAMM, and then when we have lunch we can discuss it.”
“If it’s not urgent, then I agree,” Parker says with a nod.
“Thank you for your support,” I tell them as we all stand and grab our things.
“It’s what friends do,” William tells me with a smile on his face, then he turns back to look at Parker. “Right?”
It’stwo days later when I have to drag my palms down the sides of my sweatpants to dry the dampness that appeared right after the lobby called up to tell me Carter had arrived.
With the help of Parker, William, and a few of the teachers at CAMM who wanted to help, I’ve put together a step-by-step plan to mend our friendship, and today is step one.
I have to overcome this embarrassment and shame—a term one of the teachers provided, which I hadn’t associated with the situation, but now I see how perfectly it fits... sadly.
I don’t like shame.
“No one does,”Mom said this morning when I told my family everything that had happened since Monday night.
“Want me to kick his ass?” was Larson’s unhelpful—but touching according to Dad—suggestion.
“Carter is a good guy,” London protested.
They were all supportive of that remark, and I know that I can not only trust their opinions but that they wouldn’t lead me astray.
Still, when the knock comes I have to force myself to open the door as if I were about to walk into a snake pit.
So I open it with my eyes firmly on the floor.
“Hey,” he says, his soft voice acting like a balm to my nerves. It’s not that I’d forgotten what his voice sounds like, quite the opposite, but hearing it instead of imagining it has a much starker impact on me.
“Hello,” I murmur, and step back. “Please come in.” His steps are slow, as slow as the rise of the shame inside me. I reallydon’t like this. I have to...do something. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Not right now, thanks.”
There goes that plan.
“Liam, I really want to ask you to please look at me, but I know that wouldn’t be fair to you, so I won’t.”
His words do an amazing job of reminding me what a good man he is, and that helps too. A lot.
“Thank you,” I murmur. I don’t know if there’s anything else to say on that matter, so I launch into what I prepared with the assumption that Carter does want to continue our friendship. That’s the one thing I can assume to be true right now, so that’s the best starting point. “Over the last few days I’ve made a thorough analysis about this situation, and done some research.” The words flow out of me exactly as planned, but then I’m compelled to add something new. “It turns out I do have some other friends, and they’ve helped me a lot to prepare for today.”
“Which friends?” he interrupts, and I don’t really mind, because his tone isn’t harsh or angry, more... honest curiosity, like Parker but with clearer emotion.
I risk a glance and see he isn’t frowning. His eyes are open a bit wider than normal, and his head is tilted in that way I always like seeing from him.
“Parker and William,” I answer, after my gaze is once more safely on the floor. “They’re the two programmers who are helping me with ESoothe. I met them in Boston.”
“That’s nice, and it does sound like you’re friends if you’ve known them for so many years and still like them enough to work with them.”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought of it that way,” I mumble, realizing he’s right. That would’ve been a very clear indicator. One we all missed. “They’re...” I hesitate, then decide to go with the simplest explanation. “They’re like me.”
