Page 64 of Wants and Needs
“That’s a good point,” I mumble, and fish my phone out of my pants.
Then I’m just standing there, staring at the black screen, unable to even unlock it because I have no clue which words to use so he doesn’t ignore me forever.
“I’ll leave you to it, then,” CJ says and claps me on the shoulder on his way out.
Great. Now he leaves.
I throw my phone onto the mattress and then decide I need more time, so I start my nightly routine. I take a shower and think about Liam—everything he’s shared with me, everything I’ve learned about him.
I dry off and put on moisturizer like Mum taught me, and then stare at the bottle with a frown. I don’t like stereotypes, but I don’t believe many other straight men care enough about the health of their skin to moisturize every night...
Whatever, it was a bonding thing between Mum and me.
I convince myself my skin care doesn’t make me gay as I put on my sleep pants, and only then do I grab my phone again.
I stare at our texts for another few minutes and then sigh. I’m only delaying this, and I really shouldn’t have to.
No, I haven’t known Liam that long, but I know him well enough to understand he’s probably having a rough time, so I’m as honest and as brief as I can be.
Carter
I’m sorry for the way I reacted tonight. My intention has never been to lead you on or embarrass you. I also realize I never expressed to you that I’m straight, and I apologize for that as well.
That gets me thinking... which means my fingers keep tapping.
It’s unfair that only queer people have to announce their sexuality when they meet new people, isn’t it?
In any case, I still want to be your friend, Liam. If you’ll have me, that is.
I will take a few days to think about everything that happened tonight and how I feel more carefully, and I hope you do the same without shame or guilt because you shouldn’t feel any of those.
But I do want to keep having you in my life.
I leave it at that, then an idea strikes.
That kiss might’ve been too brief to allow me to analyze it, but I can watch porn, right?
Gay porn, of course.
I go to my favorite site and select the gay tab. My eyebrows rise immediately at the level of kink on the homepage, but I click one that looks tame enough and get to analyzing.
“I don’t knowwhat to tell you. I’ve known I’m gay most of my life.” Sebas keeps talking while I look over his latest masterpiece.
When I arrived at Sculpt for my “early shift,” he asked me why I looked so tired when I’d left the ball so early, and “I was watching porn all night” just flew out of my mouth.
It took Sebas fifteen minutes to stop laughing.
It’s a good thing he’s my friend first and boss second because otherwise it could’ve been considered sexual harassment.
But then the interrogation began, and once I finished with the clarification that it was very gay porn, he cornered me.
“Did you come?”
I’ve never been accused of being a prude, in fact, whenever the topic of sex has arisen, I’ve had plenty to say over the years. None of my friends mind that when I pipe up it’s about women, just like I don’t mind that it’s men for them.
Friends talk about their sex lives, that’s just the way things are, and it’s never been something I’ve shied away from, but this time I could feel the blush covering my face. Thanks to my darker complexion it took Sebas longer to see it, and that meant I had time to look away when I said, “Shut up.”
Watching men experience pleasure and very bouncy arses taking big dicks effortlessly is bound to make everyone go hard, right? So what if I did come? That doesn’t automatically mean I’m attracted to men as well.
