Page 63 of Wants and Needs
“Okay, then answer this.” I stand up taller, ready for some real progress. “What happened after you pulled away?”
“I told him I’m straight, then he apologized, said some things about research and queer friends and other stuff I barely heard.”
“Okay, and then?”
“He basically ran away.”
“Good, so?—”
“That’s not good, CJ!” I snap at him.
“And why is that?” he asks, like he knows something I don’t.
“Because he looked upset and I don’t want him upset over this.”
“You can’t control how Liam feels, Carter. You have to know that,” he tells me compassionately.
“I don’t like it,” I grumble.
“I know, but in any case, when he was walking away, what did you think? Feel?”
“I wanted to go after him,” I tell him quickly, happy I at least know the answer to that question.
“And do what?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “Just talk to him about it and try to make him feel better.”
“He was rejected after putting himself out there, Carter. If he’s going to feel better right away it’s either because he suddenly got amnesia or because you kiss him and tell him you’re suddenly gay. So that was clearly irrational. And if you think talking to him in this state would’ve helped anything, then you truly are delusional.”
“I know, I know,” I mumble.
“Okay, good. Next question. Why didn’t you go after him?”
This one I know as well.
“It was like my feet wouldn’t obey me. I was completely frozen.”
“That’s a good thing, I suppose, because?—”
“Yeah, I would’ve made things worse, I got it.”
“Exactly. Now, do you know what to do next?” He sounds so condescending, I want to smack him.
“No,” I shout again. “I have no fucking clue here, CJ.”
“Fine,” he says dramatically. “You give him space for a few days, and then you either work toward reparing your friendship, or you kiss him and this time pay fucking attention to how it feels so you can see if there’s a spark. If there is, you need to deal with this new discovery without fucking Liam over, and then live happily ever after. If there’s no spark, then you’re honest and you’re back to repairing your friendship with him.”
“That sounds . . .”
“Like a lot? Yeah, I know, but you got this, man. You’re a good guy, and Liam will know you’d never want to hurt or embarrass him once he’s had some time away. If he knows you even a little, then he has to know that.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, choking slightly on emotion. “I hope you’re right.”
“I hope so too, but whatever happens, you need to take this time apart from Liam to think things through as well. You can’t play with his feelings, Carter.”
“I won’t,” I tell him earnestly. “That’s the last thing I’d want.”
“Good, then the only thing is... I think you should text him tonight and just say that you’re going to give him space for a few days. Explain that you’re not just giving up on your friendship for now. Don’t like, ghost him.”
