Page 20 of The Wives of Hawthorne Lane
Libby pauses her pacing, forcing her eyes to meet Bill’s. He’s leaning casually against the wall, thumbs looped over the pockets of his jeans.
“We haven’t been good at this for a long time, me and you. For the past few years, it feels like all we did was argue.”
“That’s not fair. Okay, maybe we were going through a bit of a rough patch, but every marriage does. We could have worked through it.”
“It was more than a rough patch.”
Libby shakes her head. “No, it wasn’t, we just—”
“It was for me.” Bill’s voice is gentle, but his words are resolute. “I wasn’t happy anymore.Weweren’t happy anymore. You just didn’t want to see it.”
Libby is incredulous. She feels all the sadness she’s been carrying around, locked tightly inside her chest, giving way to anger.
“You weren’t happy? You’re not a child, Bill! You can’t behappyall the time. That’s not how marriage works! That’s not howlifeworks!”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Libby continues as if she didn’t hear him. She’s been holding these words back for so long, holdingherselfback for so long. “But I guess it does work like that for you, right? You can just get yourself a girlfriend and move on without a second thought about what it’s doing to your family. But, hey, as long as you’re happy, I guess!”
“You…know?” Bill’s arms drop to his sides, his lips parting in surprise. “How?”
“Does it matter?”
“I guess it doesn’t. But I wanted to tell you myself, in person. It felt like the right thing to do.”
“The right thing to do?The right thing to dowould have been to work on our marriage instead of throwing it away the second things got tough!” She’s shouting now, unrestrained for the first time in as long as she can remember.
“Whoa, Lib, calm down, I—”
“I will absolutely not calm down! I think I’ve been calm for long enough!”
“We’re separated—it’s not like I had an affair!”
“Jesus, Bill! You said you just needed some time. I thought we’d work it out, I thought…” A defiant tear slides down her cheek and Libby swipes it away angrily with the back of her wrist.I thought you’d fight for us.
“Lib.” Bill steps toward her, reaches for her hand, but she recoils.
“Don’t touch me. I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity, I just…I didn’t mean to upset you. But I think you should know. Things are getting serious with—”
Libby raises a palm. “Don’t you dare say her name in this house.” She knows it sounds childish, but she can’t bear the thought of hearing another woman’s name on his lips in the home they built together.
“Fine.” Bill crosses his arms over his chest, distances himself from her once again. “I won’t say her name. But it’s probably for the best that you know about it now, before she meets Lucas.”
“She’s not meeting our son.” Libby’s words carry an edge of warning.
“That’s not your call to make.” Bill’s eyes lock on hers, defiant now. He’s drawn a line in the sand, and it feels so unfair. So fundamentally unfair.
“How can you be so selfish? You told me time apart would be good for our marriage, and I tried to give that to you, but what good has it done for us, Bill? Tell me, what good is any of this doing? You threw our marriage, our family, away. And for what? So you could go sow your wild oats like a teenage boy?” She throws her hands up in disgusted frustration. “And now you want to introduce this…this…womanto our son. No. Absolutely not. No.”
“You know what? The beauty of being separated is that I don’t have to listen to this anymore. I’m going home. We’ll finish thisconversation another time.” He turns and walks away from Libby once again. Because it’s so easy for him to do. Because he can come and go from her life, from their family, as it suits him without so much as a second thought. It’s unfathomable to her.
Something about the image of his turned back sets her off. It brings back all the pain of the night he left, of all the nights since when she’s silently cried herself to sleep. Every day she has to tamp down her broken heart to put a smile on her face, to give him the space he said he needed, to pretend to be okay for Lucas’s sake. She has to be the strong one who holds what’s left of her family together while he just gets to walk away. She’s overcome with it, with the need todosomething. The need to be seen, really seen, for once.
As if her hand is moving of its own accord, Libby picks up the framed wedding photo on the mantel and hurls it in Bill’s direction. It smashes into the front door just as he pulls it closed behind him. Libby watches the glass explode and fall to the ground like shards of scattered ice. In its wake, a deafening silence. Libby is once again alone, left to pick up the broken pieces of her life.
14
