Page 88 of Tangled Hearts
Her face heated at the small compliment.
It was true. Life hadn’t always kept her kitchen with food so she grew up knowing how to make something shake with nothing. “I see you Quameek.”
He tucked his lip into his mouth hearing his name on her lips. Loving Knycole came too easy for him. It went beyond a trauma bond that some would surmise their love story to be. Their shit was fluid, raw, real, full.Love. One word, four letters. In his heart it was just as pure as the love his son gave him. Even if she wanted to downplay it, Hov knew what it was.
She rolled her eyes but started cutting the sub bread she saw on the counter. The weight in her chest eased just a little, replaced by the rhythm of movement—onions on the counter, meat to the left and all the condiments she knew he liked on his sandwich. Hov leaned against the counter. His arms folded across his chest, just watching her without saying anything.
He had that way about him—making silence thick, but not uncomfortable.
He was observant, always watching and waiting. Maybe that was what life with his mama and his life on the block had taught him—always be on edge.
“Why you looking at me like that?” Knycole asked, spreading mustard over the bread.
“Cause you look good in my kitchen.” The corner of his lips tugged upwards.
Rolling her eyes, Knycole shook her head. “It just comes easy to you, don’t it?”
“What?”
“Making girls weak in the knees.”
He laughed. “I don’t be doing all that.” His smile was perfect against his brown skin.
Every time Hov talked, Knycole watched the tatt on his neck bob. “You really do.”
Rubbing his hands together, Hov wondered if he should let his intrusive thoughts spill out. He knew they were always safe with Knycole yet hesitation still lingered in the space between them.
“Why you pick him?” Hov finally found his words.
Knycole kept making their subs. She took her time, searching for the perfect response, because he deserved that. She knew they’d never really talked about it. “I feel like I owed him a chance… you know, since Nick did that to him.”
“Nah.” Hov shook his head, eyes pinned on her. “I ain’t talkin’ about that. I mean when y’all first met… I been here, before you even knew he existed. What made you say yea, you’ll be his lil girlfriend?”
The knife stilled in her hand. She pressed her lips together, the silence dragging long enough to hurt. Finally, she exhaled, shoulders slumping. “It wasn’t ‘cause I didn’t already love you,” she hummed. “That was my secret. My only one. All them nights sneaking you in my window after your mama beat you down, wiping your face, holding you ‘til you knocked out? Hov, I already knew then. I loved you before I even knew what love was. I just wanted to keep you to myself and I know that wasn’t fair to you but look at it like this,” she tucked her hair behind her ear. “My life has always been put on display for the whole hood to see. Everybody knew I was the smart girl with a cracked out ass daddy. I looked weak and Iwasweak—but think about how Ismiled at night knowing there was a piece of me no one else got to have a front row seat to? Even saying it out loud… it doesn’t make sense. But yea.”
Hov didn’t move. He just stood there, the weight of her words sinking in.
Knycole kept going, the confession burning her throat. “But nobody could know that. Not you, not the block, not even me if I wanted to keep my sanity. Loving you felt dangerous. It felt like if I said it out loud, I’d lose you. So when Rock came around… he was easy. He was loud and bold. Choosing him was safer than admitting my heart was already yours.”
Her glassy eyes found his, searching his eyes for grace. “Rock made sense. You didn’t. You were quiet storms and scars I couldn’t heal. You didn’t have time to deal with me. Two broken people don’t have no business trying to love each other. Now, I see Rock’s just as fucked up as us. But still.”
She swallowed her irrational guilt. “So I picked him. Not ‘cause he was what I wanted, but ‘cause he was what I could live with.”
Hov dragged a hand down his face, shaking his head slowly, trying to understand. There was so much of the story that needed more details. “And then?” Hov leaned in, hanging on to her words.
“I fell in love with him.” Knycole looked away unable to look at her son’s father while she confessed to loving another man.
Hov snorted. “I mean, I would hope so… but you love him more than me?”
“Is it a competition?”
“Fuck yea!” Hov wasn’t holding back, there was no need to. Their love had already been damaged, tangled so tight, you couldn’t even see the knots anymore.
Knycole sighed, her hand resting on her forehead. The truth felt so ugly when she said it out loud. So flawed it choked her up, thickening her throat.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It shouldn’t be a competition but the same way you feel you deserve all the love, I feel like that shit too. We’re one in the same… shit all of us so needy for love that we’re desperate to do anything for it. I was willing to do anything for you… to have you.”
“I’m not a possession, Hov.”
