Page 223 of Falling Backwards
She gives the text a heart reactionandsends a heart emoji back to me.
My smile is small at first, but as the moments pass, it grows.
I let thoughts of her fully overtake thoughts of Jayden, and I resume preparing for my evening.
M A G G I E
The first couple days after my injury really do a number on my mood.I’m all over the place.I’m happy it’s been a little over two full weeks since anything last happened with Kyle, and I have bouts of grouchiness because of my pain, and I’m thankful I didn’t get hurt even worse, and I’m tired because it’s hard to sleep even halfway comfortably, and my heart is full over how Luke has been taking care of me, and I hate not being able to get back to physical intimacy with him thanks to my knee….
Then there are things that have started whispering behind all those more prominent thoughts.Like that I stillsolove the silky, sheer fabric of the crop tops but haven’t tried either size on yet because I’m nervous, so they remain tucked away in their bag in my bedroom.And my break from cardio has been soothed a bit by me and Luke trying out our dumbbells, but I can’t actually do much of anything with them because even upper-body workouts seem to use the whole body somehow, so my limits threaten to bring back my worry about the tougher exercise I’m already behind on.And my short Monday shift at work is quiet, but I end up in a rattling mental loop because I can’t quit thinking about how I want to go home and should have called in, exceptno,I was right not to and I need to stop being a whiny baby, except my kneehurtseven with the Tylenol—and I never call in, so why am I not allowed to do it when I’m injured?
By the time I’m lying in my bed on Monday night, I’m close to aggravated tears.
I don’t like it.
As my knee throbs and aches, I take measured breaths and try to quiet my mind.Luke will be calling soon.Hearing his voice is sure to make me feel better, and it’ll be nice to hear how his evening with his mom went; today is her birthday, so he took her out to dinner.
Was I rude not to accept their invitation to join them?I fret, not for the first time.
I shake my head at myself.No, I wanted them to have special time together.Just because I’m dating Luke doesn’t mean I should horn in on every aspect of his life.
But he said they’d love to have me if I was up to going.
I wasn’t, though.My knee was still pissed off about me going to work and I truly didn’t wanna feel like I was imposing on his and his mom’s evening.
Frowning at the lamplit ceiling, I sigh.
Damn my knee.I feel stupid for being so bothered by it.It’s not like I broke my kneecap.Why has it put me all out of sorts?
My phone vibrates next to me, bringing me out of my head.Luke is calling.
“Hey,” I say to him.
“Hey, how you feeling?”
The warm question pulls the truth right out of me.
With my free hand, I rub at my eyes.“Tired and hurt and annoyed and like an idiot because this is just a scrape, not something serious, yet it has knocked me on my ass.I don’t know why I’m having trouble ignoring it.I feel like a drama queen or something.”
My knee chooses this moment to randomly throb hard, making me wince and huff out a noise of sharp discomfort.Ow.
Luke’s voice doesn’t lose one bit of its warmth.
“I’d be tired and hurting and annoyed, too, ’cause that thing is shitty.You hear what I just said?Your injury isshitty.It being a scrape doesn’t make it not hurt—it’s abadscrape.And since it’s on the knee, it’s easily agitated, which makes doing normal things without pain striking kind of a tall task.Whowouldbe able to just ignore that?”He clicks his tongue.“By the way, if the injured were someone else and you heard them saying what you said about yourself, I know you’d tell them in a heartbeat that there’s nothing to feel ashamed of.You’d be kind and encouraging.So give yourself that same grace.”
I…
…kind of melt from that.
My muscles relax and allow me to really sink into my bed, my exhalation coming out slow and easy.
He says, “Yeah,” in a way that tells me he knows the effect his words have had on me.
Diffidently, I tell him, “Thank you.”Then: “How areyoufeeling?”
“You don’t have to keep thanking me for caring for you.”I can hear his smile and I just know it’s soft.“And I don’t mean to be braggy or anything, but I’m great.Dinner with Mom was great.”
