Page 40 of Falling Backwards
Confused, too, obviously.My compliance with her help confused me as much as her offer of help did.You’d think the mood I was in today would’ve put my patience at zero and made me even snappier when she tried to be nice.Wasn’t I supposed to be aggravated with her butting into my business and not leaving me to deal with my own problems?
I guess the opposite was true instead—I didn’t have the energy to be snappy and aggravated.
…Maybe that’s why she wasn’t snappy or aggravated either?
In any case, Paxton’s words about her were flickering in my mind even then.He had spoken of her not being the literal worst, of me not actually loathing her, of people being capable of maturing.
Currently, I fix my gaze on the eye-catching hostess stand as I make my way to the front entrance.I’m not working until closing time, but she is.As if relaxed, she’s leaning forwards with one elbow on the stand and her chin in her hand, studying something on the iPad lying in front of her.
She isn’t relaxed for real, though.For one thing, she doesn’t know how to be that at work.For another thing, while she hasn’t been cold to me since she brought me the ibuprofen, shehasbeen determined not to look at me straight.I’ve noticed that.And I’ve felt the tension in her shoulders as if it were my own.
In fact, when I pass close enough to the stand that my presence can’t possibly go unnoticed by her attentive brain, she’s careful to move her eyes from the iPad to my shoes instead of right up to my face.Even though they do trail upwards, they seem to only make it to where my coat is draped over my arm.Then she slips a fingertip beneath her bangs, folds her bottom lip into her mouth, and refocuses on the iPad.
It’s not the same kind of,‘I’m ignoring you,’behavior that I’ve occasionally gotten from her in the past.This kind almost seems shy.
Been years since I last saw the shy side of her.
I take a slow breath, then finally take my eyes off her so I can walk out into the cold evening.
Not for the first time, I think to myself that her kindness towards me probably surprised and confused her too.
—
“Quite a dinner you’ve got there,” says a playful female voice from my left.
As I dig my wallet out of my pocket, I look over to see if I’m the one being spoken to.It seems I am—the pretty redheaded girl at the self-checkout stall next to mine is lifting her chin at the items I’ve just scanned.I, too, glance at the package of gummy worms I came here for and the big box of frozen eggrolls I decided I want to spend my unexciting Halloween night with.
Then I look at her again.Notice that she seems to be thinking I’m good-looking too.
Pleasing though that is, a longer look at her face has a very different one drifting into my mind and distracting me.Again.
“Yeah,” I reply, managing a courteous smile.“One of the many perks of being an adult, huh?I can eat whatever I want.”
“Well, you can get away with the candy since it’s Halloween, but yes, being an adult is the best.”She winks and skips another look over me.
I let out a light laugh, then get back to paying for my stuff.
Part of me thinks I’m a fool for not continuing to talk to her.She’s friendly, attractive, and clearly interested to some degree.
The rest of me thinks of Maggie.
Who the hell knows why.She and I are way over, and one calm conversation between us does not a reconciliation make.Not that I’d want one anyway.
But I can’t help it: even though I’m not standing here pining for Maggie, a moment spent imagining where my current random conversation could lead doesn’t get me itching to find out for real.It only brings back how quietly Maggie said,‘You’re welcome,’to me earlier today whenhereyes were all over me.
Yeah, I don’t know why, but that last little half-look she gave me before I left work is taking up more space in my head than the flirty look this girl just gave me.
But that’s another perk of being an adult, right?I don’t have to talk to anybody I don’t want to talk to, and it doesn’t matterwhyI don’t want to.
Well, really, that’s true for people of any age, but whatever.I’m going with it here and now.
As I’m retrieving my receipt and bag of items, I hear the girl taking a breath like she’s going to say something else.I turn my eyes to her and see she’s stepping towards me with her own bagged purchase in hand, the beginnings of a suggestion of some kind on her face.
“Bye,” I tell her politely.“Have a good Halloween.”
She pauses in place, her mouth half-open.After a second, her expression shifts into disappointed curiosity.
“Okay, bye,” she says.“Enjoy your dinner candy.”
