Page 31 of Who's Playing You
The Holy One:
Convince HER???? You are the one convincing HER???
The Love Machine:
What Twilight Zone have we entered into? What the fuck are you talking about???
And I’ll try to nail her down right away, put a ring on that finger, knock her up.
The Love Machine:
Have you lost your EVER-LOVING-MIND??? You are 23, in your prime, what the fuck are you talking about nailing down some chick and knocking her up? YOU JUST MET HER! Dude, that is literally crazy talk! Have you been drinking that upstate NY moonshine or something? Smoking that now-legal-in-New-York Mary-Juana???
The Holy One:
I’m so confused right now…
Get used to it boys. I’m a taken man. Oh, and this stays between us. The media doesn’t need to get wind of this and start stalking her. Scottie doesn’t know who I am. But I gotta bounce. Catch you assholes later.
The Love Machine:
DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE THIS CONVERSATION OR I SWEAR I WILL COME UP THERE AND KNOCK YOUR ASS INTO THE GROUND. What the FUCK are you talking about???? You just literally dropped …. like four atom bombs on us, and now you’re just leaving?????? HELLO???
Yeah, I gotta go pick Scottie up for a date… well, she doesn’t know it’s a date.
The Holy One:
I have too many questions, but what the hell do you mean she doesn’t know it’s a date? Bro, you’re scaring me! Are you the one Stockholm Syndroming HER?
Don’t worry about it. It’s all going according to plan.
The Love Machine:
According to PLAN??? Wait, whoa whoa whoa! That indicates something larger… like you’ve been PLANNING something for a while. And you said you were going to tie this chick down… did YOU kidnap HER? Omg Papas, he’s going to prison for kidnapping. Start collecting your quarters, we’ll need to get him a good attorney. He’s gone all pre-meditated on us. This is more serious than I ever could have imagined. See, this is the type of shit that happens when we’re not together, when we don’t have each other’s backs.
The Holy One:
Oh for fuck’s sake, he just made us accomplices too - now we know too much!
Her name is Scottie, not “some chick”.
And so what if I have been planning this for a while? Also, I’m not the mob, idiot. I’ll only put a hit on you if you tell anyone about her.
The Holy One:
Oh boy.
The Love Machine:
FOR A WHILE????
The Love Machine:
I’m calling an emergency FaceTime intervention meeting. It is MANDATORY! Tonight. No excuses.
Fine. Whatever. But I’m bouncing right now and I won’t be back until late. Don’t wait up. Adios assholes.
The Holy One:
