Page 30 of Who's Playing You
Oh hey, Bob! How’s it going?
The Holy One:
Love-bug, I’m so proud of you for sticking with it to get Bob’s attention. Just like the OG Bob used to say, “The secret to doing anything is believing that you can do it” and you believed that he’d eventually answer us.
The Love Machine:
Right, right. Also, “there are no mistakes, only happy little accidents”, something you’d know all about, Mr. Angel. But I digress. Back to Bob. So what’s new, Bob?
Ok, again, I bite. Why am I Bob?
The Love Machine:
Because you’re Bob motherfucking Ross to me after how you left us hanging after that last text, you idiot! All, Mr. Painting in the Woods, or some shit. As a result you will forever be Bob to me unless you start answering some questions!
I was with my future wife.
The Holy One:
Excuse the fuck out of me! Come again?!
The Love Machine:
Ummm…. What?
The Holy One:
The Love Machine:
So like… WHAT?
I didn’t stutter. I was with the future Mrs. Soba. You guys will love her… well actually, come to think of it, maybe you guys don’t need to meet her. EVER. You’d just hit on her anyway. I can’t have that.
The Love Machine:
Ok so when I started this text and was literally demanding answers about your little painting in the woods BS comment, never in a million years did I expect you to get all serious and fucking MARITAL on me!!!! Like… wtf? Are you for real right now? Because if you’re pulling my leg, well done. You win. Best “gotcha” ever! Epic.
Her name is Scottie.
The Holy One:
Well fuck me sideways … by Loving’s sister.
The Love Machine:
I HAVE WARNED YOU ABOUT TALKING ABOUT MY SISTER. I WILL LITERALLY END YOU!
The Holy One:
Geez! So murdery! But also, Diva… and Mrs. Diva? Question mark?
Yup. She’ll be moving in with me in a few weeks.
The Love Machine:
Whoa whoa whoa!!!! Calm down, Bob Ross. MOVING FUCKING IN WITH YOU??? Is this a cult situation? A Stockholm Syndrome situation? Seriously, blink twice if you are being held against your will. I will fly up right now, do you need help?!?
I’ve never been happier. She doesn’t know it yet, but yeah, she’ll be moving in ASAP. It’ll probably take me a few weeks to convince her.
