Page 123 of A Recipe for Love
Adam shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t dare.’
She handed the sheet of paper across and waited while he scanned his grandmother’s lines. ‘Oh, my poor grandmother.’ He frowned. ‘Did you feel like that?’
‘No. I felt like you’d abandoned me. And like I’d done everything I could think of to make things better but it wasn’t working.’
‘All the stuff you did worked brilliantly though.’
She shook her head. ‘It didn’t make you happy.’
‘Oh my God. No. I’m grieving. I was lost in my own sadness. You did nothing wrong. It was never up to you to make me better. It’s only up to you to be there with me. If you want to be.’
The flicker of hope that had sparked when Adam appeared in the middle of the sprawl of tarmac and concrete ignited into a flame.
‘I let everything get on top of me,’ he continued. ‘And I was so caught up in how awful I was feeling that I didn’t think about you. And… I’m so sorry. That’s the most important thing. I got caught up in myself, and I lost sight of you – no, of us – and I’m sorry. If it’s unforgivable, I understand, but I want you to know that I know I screwed up. And if you give me a chance we can do it all differently. I’ll be there next to you, no matter what.’
He was right, but also not right at all. ‘No. You were grieving. I freaked out and ran away.’
‘Why were you coming to see me, Bel?’
‘To say…’ To say what? She glanced up the road. ‘We should move. The bus will be here soon, and you’re parked in the way.’
He nodded. ‘Where to, then?’
Bella hopped in the car and directed him towards the parking bays at the foot of her nan’s block. ‘Why didn’t you bring your car?’
Adam shook his head. ‘I let Flinty drive it to the village once and now I can’t get her out of the thing. She’s seen how the other half live. Or how they drive anyway.’
‘You drove all the way down here in this thing to avoid an argument?’
‘Not just that.’ He patted the steering wheel with one finger and the corner of his lip twitched up. ‘Perfectly good car this. You just have to know how to treat her.’
They fell into a silence that seemed to be waiting for big meaningful words. Bella filled the quiet with chit chat, narrating the short journey. ‘So that’s where I fell off my bike and broke my wrist. And the bus stop where you found me, that’s where you get the bus into town. Well really it’s the one on the other side, but then you have to cross the dual carriageway so it’s easier to just get it there and…’
Adam cleared his throat. ‘Bel.’
‘Yeah.’
‘We’re here.’
She stared at the grey building in front of her. ‘So this is my estate. Bit different to yours.’
‘A bit. Fewer ghosts maybe?’
‘Probably. Nan reckons Mr Herbert next door still bangs on the wall when she makes too much noise though, but it’s more likely just that she pisses the new people off too and…’
‘Bel, why were you coming to see me?’
The things she could say flew through her mind. She’d been angry and sad and confused. But sitting next to him now there was only one thing that felt right. ‘I’m sorry, too.’
‘What for?’
‘I thought being on the same team meant working towards the same thing, but it’s more than that.’
He unclipped his seatbelt and twisted to look at her.
‘You were right that I got caught up in Lowbridge and forgot a little bit about you.’
‘Right.’
