Page 63 of A Dream of Redemption
He rose from his chair and pressed a kiss to her forehead before lifting her into his lap like he used to do when she was a young girl. “I would never make you choose, for two reasons. One, I’m scared that you would choose him, and two, the decision would tear you apart. I can’t bear to see you hurting.”
“I don’t even know if Clary wants to marry me anyway. He is petrified of his past. And the incident with Lord Fairfax in the park—”
“What incident?”
“I didn’t know it at the time, but Lord Fairfax is intimately familiar with Clary. He had a confrontation with Clary and used his cane to trip Clary, bursting a couple of his stitches. I despise the man because he knew very well that Clary could not retaliate against a lord of the realm.”
“He’s all bluff and swagger. Lord Fairfax has more to lose if word got out that he used to frequent a molly house. Leave him to me. I’ll make sure he is never a threat again.”
That sounded hopeful. She decided to press her luck. “I have another favor to ask?” She didn’t wait for a response. “I was wondering if we could have the dowager house on the estate as a wedding present. I’d like to turn it into a finishing school for servants. We could take the older children who are almost ready to find work, help ensure they are ready for placements, and then use our connections to find good houses for them to work in.”
“You have given this considerable thought. Are you sure that you would be content with that kind of life?”
“If I had Clary by my side I wouldn’t care if I lived in a cave. I’ve never been one for balls or parties. I want to be useful.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I’ve talked with Beatrice about the situation, and I don’t want to lose you. I will give you my blessing, but Clary has to be man enough to come and ask me for your hand.”
She hugged her brother. “I can live with that because if Clary isn’t prepared to fight for me, then I’m not sure his love would stand what the world might throw at us.” When she saw her brother’s surprised look, she added, “I love him but I’m not foolish. I don’t want to be tied to someone who is always looking over his shoulder. He has to come to terms with his past as I have.”
“You always were the sensible one. Why don’t you go and get some much-needed sleep. I doubt he’ll be in any state to see you tonight.” Sebastian stood and placed her on her feet. “I love you and I don’t want you ever to be scared to come and talk to me about anything.” At her raised eyebrow he laughed. “I promise I will try to keep my temper under control, and to realize that my little sister is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. When she has all the facts.”
She watched her brother leave the room and wrapped her arms around her middle hugging the knowledge that she was a very lucky woman. She had a family who would protect her and love her unconditionally. She looked at her discarded book and for one moment thought about staying and finishing the last chapter, but if she had to go through waiting for Clary again tomorrow she needed something to do, or something to read, or she’d go mad.
She was just about to go upstairs to bed when she heard a pounding on the front door, and her heart began to beat faster. She raced to the landing and peered over. She heard murmurs in the entrance below and recognized Clary’s voice.
He had come for her and waves of happiness were making her light-headed.
She heard Roberts stating that it was too late for social calls, so she ran down the stairs and called for Clary to be allowed entrance.
He pushed past Roberts and pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and decided she was never going to let go.
Roberts’s discreet cough made her come to her senses. She broke the kiss and pulled Clary up the stairs to where the fire was still roaring in the library, closing the door after them.
She made to rush back into his arms but Clary held up his hand to keep her at arm’s length. “We need to talk first. There are things that need to be said before we make any decisions that we may live to regret.”
Helen nodded. Swallowing hard she took her seat and waited.
Clary began to pace the length of the Persian rug in front of the fire. “I meant to tell you myself, but to hear it like that from Glover, you must have been disgusted.”
She knew he was referring to Glover’s words about the molly house. “I was shocked I admit, but never disgusted. Having been captured by that man, with the constant threat of rape hanging over me, I began to have an understanding what it must’ve been like for you.”
“I often wonder if I tried hard enough to leave, but I always remembered that snow covered street and Simon almost dead in my arms, and God help me I stayed.”
“When I was a child I hated my home. My parents fought, often physically, and the yelling and screaming, there was never a peaceful moment. I used to run and hide and wish I had no parents. I did not know any better. I didn’t know what having no parents meant. I didn’t know that I was lucky. I had food, warmth, safety, and the protection of my brother. I would never hold your past against you because I have never lived in your shoes and now I thank God for that every day.”
“You should not feel guilty for having a better upbringing than I.”
She nodded. “True. Just as you should not feel guilty for having the upbringing that you did. As soon as Marisa offered you a way out you did take a risk. You didn’t know her at all, but you risked it all on her promise of a better life.” She wrung her hands. “I want to forget my childhood and yours. I’m more interested in the life you want to lead now and whether it includes me.”
He stopped pacing and finally stared at her. “How can you love me after you’ve learned what I used to be?”
“If I thought for one minute that your life in the molly house had been something you desired or you had chosen with your own free will, that would be a different story. But you didn’t. You were taken off the street as a young child and forced into a life you would never have picked as your own. With Simon to look after, well. I understand the choices you made. I begin to understand these men. Angelo would never have let you go, would he?”
He gave a curt nod. “He threatened to kill me or Simon if I left.”
“Then you were not there by choice. It’s a sad epitaph for the world you were born into.”
Clary stared at her, stunned. “I do love you. But what would you have me do? You know how your brother feels about us. You’d be shunned by society. How can I expect you to give all of this up just for me?”
