Page 99 of Her Whole Heart
“I understand it seems interminable to you, Darcy,” Fitz said from his place near the fire. “Still, you must not lose hope. Miss Elizabeth is a reasonable woman. She will allow you to make amends.”
“It is the way of women to make you suffer a bit when you have erred,” Milton added, using a poker to coax the fire back into life.
“That is not Miss Elizabeth’s way,” Darcy replied. “She has good reason not to see me. Trust is essential to her, and I broke it.”
“Through negligence, not malice,” Fitz reminded him. “She will see that, in time.”
“But honestly, Darcy, how could you forget such a thing?” Bingley asked. “Why did you not simply tell her?”
“First, because it was Lord Carlisle’s scheme and I thought it was his place to tell her or not,” Darcy said bluntly. “Which was foolish. But truly, I simply forgot all about it when I realised I was in love.” He folded his arms together, placed them on the desk, and dropped his head atop them.
This was met by silence. Darcy had never said the obvious aloud before, and he supposed he had shocked them with his honesty.
“And when was that?” Fitz asked at last.
“I do not know. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.” Darcy groaned. “This is a disaster.”
Milton threw his head back and stared up at the ceiling. “You have been a devoted admirer, Darcy. I agree with my brother for once. Miss Elizabeth will eventually forgive you.”
“Bingley,” Darcy said, knowing he ought not ask but unable to stop himself, “have you seen Miss Bennet at all this week? Has she said anything about her sister?”
Bingley’s expression grew serious. “I have not been able to visit for long, Darcy. Miss Bennet has been tending Miss Elizabeth. Apparently, she is not sleeping well, and her sister is caring for her.”
Darcy swallowed his guilt whole, his own pain forgotten as he worried about hers. “I wish there was something I could do to help, but I am the cause of her distress.”
“More happened that night than your blunder,” Fitz reminded him. “Henrietta sent a note, but it was answered by Miss Bennet.”
A knock at the door interrupted their conversation, but Darcy could not regret it. They were a morose group here, and any distraction was welcome. He sat up. “Come,” he called.
Mr. Yardley appeared. “Mr. Darcy, Lord Carlisle is here to see you.”
Darcy shot to his feet. Had Lord Carlisle come to tell him that Miss Elizabeth would not see him? He was not certain he could bear it. He clutched the edge of the desk to steady himself.
The earl appeared in the doorway, impeccably dressed, but his expression haggard.
“Lord Carlisle,” Darcy said, hating that his voice wavered. “What brings you here to Darcy House?”
Lord Carlisle glanced around the room. “Darcy, I would speak to you alone.”
Darcy nodded. Bingley, Fitz, and Milton mumbled their farewells and made their exits.
The earl’s eyes were grave. “I must speak with you regarding Miss Elizabeth and the events that transpired at Lady Morgan’s ball.”
Darcy nodded and gestured for Lord Carlisle to take a seat. “Certainly.”
Lord Carlisle fixed Darcy with an even gaze. “Why did you not tell Miss Elizabeth about the circumstances surrounding your initial friendship? I know that it was done under my direction, but when you asked to call, I presumed that you would have discussed it then.”
Darcy’s words were heavy with regret. “I believed it was your place to tell her, Lord Carlisle, but you are right to say I should not have called without ascertaining that she knew. I must confess that I have never been in love before, and in the midst of feelings so new and overwhelming, it no longer seemed relevant—I simply forgot about it. My heart and mind have been so consumed with her that all else seemed . . .”
“Nothing more than noise in the background?”
“Precisely.”
Lord Carlisle sighed. “I remember those days very well, Mr. Darcy. Love has a way of making everything else seem inconsequential. It also tends to amplify every error.”
Darcy could only nod tiredly.
“So between us, we left her entirely unprepared for my stupid joke, made in public.” Lord Carlisle shook his head. “But our focus now must be on the present and the future.” He leaned forward. “You must return to the house with me. Miss Elizabeth has not yet said she is ready to see you, but she cannot continue on as she has been without becoming truly ill. It is my belief that even should she not want you at present, sheneedsyou.”
