Page 21 of Hale's Pawn
I smile and shake my head. “No, I’ll take all the hugs I can get.” I let her hug me and I hug her back. Once she lets go, Jagger doesn’t even ask, he just pulls me into a hug. I don’t remember the last time I hugged him, but he’s warm. I don’t have it in me to say something hateful, I just need this. We hug like we were once friends, old friends who let go of each other but now have realized that life is too short. I sigh when he lets go.
“We’ll give you guys a minute,” my dad says. He kisses my temple and walks out with the boys in tow. Jagger and Karessa go too. It’s just me and Oran left.
I walk over to him and he just stares at my feet. “Hey…” I poke him in the shoulder and he looks up at me, spooked. “You okay?” I ask. He starts to nod but he shakes his head. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. “Why are you so pale?”
“You shouldn’t even be the one asking me questions. I don’t know whether I should hug you or shake you.” He glares at me, but his eyes soften.
“Well, let me make this easier for you.” I move closer and stand between his legs. I hug him. His head rests on my chest, and I rest my chin on his head. “I’m sorry that I dragged everyone here. Sorry I made people worry. I’m fine.”
Oran moves out of my hold. “You’re not fine, Ainslee. You had chest pains this whole time and you told no one. NOBODY! I was right there. You don’t think somebody would’ve wanted to know?”
“I...” I start and Oran stands. He walks towards the window. “I’m not used to telling others about this. I’m…” I’m conflicted. What am I supposed to say to him? How do I comfort him? I don’t understand. I take a step back, and I sit in the chair. There’s something about the look that Oran just gave me minutes ago. It reminded me of that night with him. The vulnerability in his eyes. I knew he was hurting. There was something there, but I didn’t press. How could I when I was hurting in my own way? I just wanted to forget. I did forget everything. I forgot that night, him, and the way he made me feel. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I usually do this alone. I come to the appointments by myself, I take my pills and everything. I just try to do what I need to do, alone. It’s the only way.” Why is this night like this?
I shut my eyes and run my fingers through my hair. A strand tugs and I open my eyes, looking at my nails. Their usual primped selves are ruined. I don’t even know how I chipped one. I laugh hard and Oran comes over to me, crouching. “Ainslee, what the fuck is so funny?”
“My nails, my hair, everything is ruined,” I say.
“Let me see,” Oran says, and when he looks at my nails, he makes a face. “Yeah, you’re right. That is the worst manicure I’ve ever seen. You can do better, Mrs. Hale,” he teases me. I chuckle because I know he’s trying to cheer me up.
“Yeah, my husband is a real stickler for order and such things. Gotta look top notch, you know?”
Oran smirks. “Your husband sounds like a real dirtbag, glad he’s not here right now, ‘cause I don’t mind a bad manicure and bad hair. Like, really bad hair... it’s still kinda sexy,” he emphasizes and it causes me to laugh.
My laughter turns into a sob. The fear creeps in and travels down my spine. I think it’s because I haven’t cried about all of this, everything that’s happened. Oran’s mask falls and I look down at my trembling hands. “I thought… Oh God, Oran, I don’t know what I, I could've—”Oran catches my eye again and I see the empathy he has. He’s only known me for a week, almost two weeks now, but besides Mikonos and Markos, he’s the only other person I’ve ever expressed how I’m really feeling to. Oran pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him and he stands. I wrap my legs around him. He shushes me and rubs my back. “I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. I don’t want to die, Oran. I don’t want to.”
“Oh, Bug, it’s okay. Come on now, don’t cry, baby. It’s okay. You’re okay.” I try to stop crying, but I tighten my hold on him as he wraps me into his arms. I’ve never felt such warmth from a person. It’s like when I hugged Jagger but this is a million times better. “You’re good with me,” Oran whispers as he snuggles into the crook of my neck. “I’ll keep you safe, just stop crying, please.”
I bury my fingers in his hair as we stay in the moment we just created. Something that would’ve never happened if I didn’t choose him. A choice that I made with my emotions, even if I didn’t realize it.
ORAN
How can I even let her go right now? I can’t even be mad at her about picking me as a safe bet. Fuck, why does this girl keep making me care about her? I can admit that knowing about our little encounter in the past has heightened a lot of emotions for me, well, us. I still can’t believe she’s the girl from the room. “You ready for everyone to come back in?”
Ainslee shrugs. “I guess so.”
“What are you thinking about?” I ask her.
“What you told me earlier. In the car. I can’t believe that that was you. It’s shocking to me, especially because I don’t believe in bullshit like destiny,” Ainslee says, and I chuckle.
I kiss her cheek. “I don’t believe in destiny either, but it is something. I thought about you sometimes. Not the you now, but the one who connected with me from the second she came into the room until we said our goodbyes.”
Ainslee gives me a kiss on the cheek too and it helps me relax a bit. “I thought about you too. A lot, really. I didn’t want to leave after those two hours. If I had the strength to speak up, I would’ve asked for you to take off your mask.”
I shake my head. “Not my number, but my mask instead?” I ask.
“Man, I was not allowed to date then. Shoot, me going to that damn exclusive club was because I sneaked out. My mom was strict as hell. I moved out the year after.”
“You’ve lived by yourself since then?”
“Hell yeah.”
“What made you move out?”
“So many different things… Don’t get me started.”
Everyone comes back in the room with the doctor, which stops our conversation. Ainslee is clearly letting me know she’s not going to get down. I sigh, “She won’t get down, just tell us what’s going on, Doc.”
Mikonos says something in Greek that has Ainslee snickering. “What did he say?’ I whisper to her since I wasn’t really paying attention.
