Page 68 of Dear, Carson McDermott
“I’ll be back guys,” I announced. “Don’t miss me too much!” Just like I used to bid them goodbye. It was nostalgic.
Jude made a beeline for me, “Do you need me, Mama? Will you be good by yourself?”
I kissed his forehead. “Aww my baby, I’ll be fine. I’ll be right back. Just checking on Daddy. Sit, laugh and enjoy, but don’t sit with Uncle Gabriel, he’s gonna teach you way too many cuss words.”
“Too late,” Uncle Gabriel said as he sat back in his seat while sipping on his beer.
“Really, Unc?” I asked.
He laughed. I loved how carefree he was amongst all of us. He was always the one that I needed to go to when I needed a laugh. He still till this day never cut his hair, it still looked good on him. Maybe it was because he was my family and a Di’Maggio. We were beautiful beings and we didn’t deny it.
I turned to make eye contact with Cory, I winked at her loving that she made my twin happy. I couldn’t see anyone else with him and it put a big smile on my face. She smiled back at me. Then I looked at Cross who was finally seeking the help she needed and so was Beau. I knew that things were looking up with the fact that they were in the same room now and there was nothing negative being said to each other. I loved them and will always be grateful for them especially what they did for us.
I couldn’t be more thankful for my family or rather my new friend, our therapist, Dr. Gino Lee. He was an amazing human being above all else. He really cared about us and he went above and beyond. When I talked to him about all that I went through, he never pushed. He never asked me to overshare or tell me to hurry up and spill it all. Instead, he let me take baby steps. He let me cry, rant, be angry, lash out and in the end, I felt free. Free from the demons that held me back from being truly happy. I still had my struggles some days with thinking about Jude or Carson, but I was reassured every time they smiled or hugged me. Letting me know that we were going through this journey together. We were safe, we were loved, and we will always be a family that fights for each other.
****
Carson
“How do you feel, Carson?” My therapist, Dr. Lee asked.
I sighed, shutting my eyes as I held my helmet close to me clutching the phone as well, as the nerves came back.
“I don’t know if I’m ready,” I admitted.
Dr. Lee sighed, “You want me to give you some tough love or baby you?”
I lightly chuckled.
“If you weren’t my therapist, I’d kick your ass, Gino.”
He laughed, “But I’m still your good friend, I’d say that much, right?”
I kissed my teeth, “yeah, we are until you try to push up on my wife again.”
“Oh my God!” Gino chuckled. “It was once, and it was before I knew she was your wife. I apologized. Speaking of your wife, you’re welcome. My next appointment is here. Gotta go.”
“Whatever, Gino.” I smiled because he managed to calm my nerves.
“I’ll bill you for this,” he said before he hung up.
I rolled my eyes, laughing as I put my phone away and looked up to see my wife, walking into the locker room. The other guys wiggled their brows at me while they finished getting prepped. Katerina was like a breath of fresh air. I watched her as she walked towards me, her hair was straightened with half of it up in a top knot. She wore an orange and white polka-dotted summer dress that stopped mid-thigh. It made me smile as her pregnant belly stuck out some more. She wasn’t that far in the pregnancy, but she was showing a lot more lately.
“Heard I was needed?” she said as she winked at me. Her hand came to my cheek.
I looked up at her as she stood in between my legs. I leaned in, kissing my baby or babies… I was hoping for babies to make up for lost time.
“I’ll always need you,” I admitted.
She leaned down, kissing the top of my head as I wrapped an arm around her laying my cheek on her belly.
“You’re going to do fine today, baby. They picked you because you are the best, even after so many years, they still want you. Fuck, I’m so proud of you.”
Carson chuckled, “At this point, our children will all be cussin’ out the womb,” I said.
“So?”
I shook my head, standing I kissed her neck, then her cheeks and finally, her beautiful lips. I didn’t want to pull away, but I had to. When I did, I felt refreshed. She would always be the answer to my prayers. I looked into her eyes as I caressed her cheek,
