Page 24 of Dear, Carson McDermott
“Stop doing that or else, your father is going to find out in the worst way possible. I will make you scream my name so loud; he’ll be forced to kill me so that I can slip outside of the sweetest thing I’ve ever buried my dick in.”
“Oooh, baby,” she crooned. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
I shook my head once more,
“you’re fuckin’ insane and I’m too addicted now to do anythin’ about it.”
Her response was to pull me in for another kiss. One that would lead with me wanting to have her again and again. This was the beginning of the worst addiction ever and one, I didn’t particularly want to kick.
****
Katerina
Dating Carson was something else. At first, we just took it as the day came but now, I couldn’t see myself without him. It hadn’t even been that long. We started dating at the beginning of the second semester and now, we were nearing the biggest day of our high school lives, well for me anyway, prom. For Carson, it was his final game that every one of us showed up for. Now, I was nervous because tonight was Prom and we decided to let my father know that we were dating. There were instances that I for sure thought he knew about what was going on with me and Carson, but he didn’t say a word.
There was a knock on my door,
“you decent, Lil’ darlin’?” He asked.
I shook my head; did he really ask that when he had seen me naked how many times? I smiled staring at myself in the mirror.
“Come in,” I said to him.
He came in and I made eye contact with him through my full-length mirror. There were many things that Carson surprised me with but this time, the shock was written all over my face. He was wearing a classic all-black suit from his dress shirt that had the first two buttons open all the way down to his red-bottom loafers. I didn’t know he owned any damn loafers. He had his hair French-braided back. The fact that my boyfriend could French braid better than I had me always side-eyeing him. The lapel of his suit jacket was white along with the pocket square and a few buttons on the jacket.
When I met his eyes, he had this possessive, hungry expression.
“Gorgeous,” was all he said.
I looked at what he was seeing. I went prom dress shopping with Mom and Gabby. Gabby chose this one and we all agreed. Instead of the classic long prom dress, I went with a dress that was off the shoulders, long sleeve, all-white sequinned dress that shined as though they were diamonds, it hugged my waist but not too tight and the rest of the dress flared. It was a poufy dress that stopped at my knees. My hair was pulled up into a high bun, I completed the look with diamond earrings that my dad got me, custom made canvas shoes and mom did my makeup.
“Thank you,” I shyly replied.
“You’re welcome, darlin’. Now, let’s go face your father.”
I turned to face him, with the biggest smile on my face.
“What are you going to say to him?” I asked.
He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth before speaking,
“I’ll tell him that I can’t live without you. I’ll never break your heart and I’ll make sure to cherish and love you for as long as he allows me. I’ll skip the sex details yeah. Let’s not get me killed today.”
I will never forget the smile on my face as I placed my hand in his and we made our way down to tell my parents that we were officially dating. My father pulled a gun out on him and yes, the safety was off then he held him in a chokehold that I almost cried but because Carson never once flinched or back downed from wanting to be with me till my father nodded. He didn’t say anything more, but his nod meant everything. My mother was so excited for me. My twin shrugged letting dad know that he already threatened Carson and punched him as a warning. This made my dad smile as he placed the safety back on his gun and put it away. Before he left the room, he had turned to Carson and said,
“Don’t hurt her. That’s all. She’s my baby and if she cries, you die.”
Carson should’ve been scared but instead, he was smiling wide like he won a million bucks.
He smiled the same when we went away for school, even when I found out I was pregnant at eighteen and then when we announced to our family that we were going to get married before the baby was born. He smiled when our son was born, cherishing him more than anything else but when we had to let Jude go, there was no smile.
I had never seen Carson cry like he had when he laid over his son’s closed casket at the funeral. I couldn’t comfort him. I didn’t know-how. I was so lost and confused. I was frozen in a space or rather time. I didn’t understand what this meant but I knew I was withdrawing. Carson’s tears tore at me so much, but it wasn’t enough to keep me there. I couldn’t look at him in his eyes. I was ashamed, sad and all sorts of feelings because I couldn’t take care of our son. I didn’t see the truck that came at us when I was driving us. I lost our son; it was my fault. Everyone said it was an accident except for my family including Carson. They said something was wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself out of this state to listen, so I ran. I ran from my family, my son, and my Carson.
If I had known what would happen to us, I would’ve never said yes to him. I would’ve never broken both our hearts like this.
PART TWO:PRESENT
Chapter 8
