Page 40 of Dear, Carson McDermott
“Jude,” as he said my son’s name, I gasped. “Do you know a guy named Ricardo Estevez?”
I tilted my head in confusion,
“no, am I supposed to?”
He no longer looked me in my eyes as he continued to talk, and my father never did that.
“He’s your mama’s husband. Well, when you first met em’, he was her boyfriend. You may not remember em’ then but before I knew about you. Before I-,” he shut his eyes. I understood his turmoil. “took you from them sons of bitches and their abusive ways towards you. He was a so-called well-known man with connections. At the time, Carlie thought I didn’t make enough, so she cheated on me with em’ and left without lookin’ back. Called me a country boy who knew absolutely nothin’ bout nothin’ but that was on er’ because I knew so much. Anyways, got the news from a client, Ronan O’Brien that word on the streets was that Ricardo the Lil’ bitch owed money at the time that you were at USC so he lied to whoever said that you, his son could pay.”
My brows shot up,
“his son?”
Dad shook his head.
“Don’ ask. Long story short, he thought you were his but when he saw me and how we look alike, it was evident, you weren’t.”
My blood began boiling,
“You mean to tell me that he thought I was his son and still put his hands on me? Both of em’ took turns hittin’ me!”
I gritted my teeth trying not to lose it.
My father turned to face me, the regret and remorse in his eyes calmed me down.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized again. “I’m sorry I didn’ find out bout you til’ much later. I wish I knew about you when you were a baby. I would have taken you then and figured it out just like I did when you were five. I regret not killin’ Ricardo now. He hurt my son and now, I’ve learned he had a hand in taking my grandson from me. He also took my daughter-in-law from me too. Look how much shit they’ve caused you. You don’ trust yourself or ya wife.”
When he said that my eyes widened,
“How do you know that?”
Dad shrugged,
“Look at me son. I’m a lonely ole’ man cause I don’ trust any other woman. You think I can’t recognize it in you? Trust me, open your heart to er’ again. She deserves a second chance to prove that she can be trusted. You gotta understand’ that what she also went through wasn’ simple. Knowin’ Kitty, she blamed herself for the death of Jude. Neither of you is to blame, there are only two people on this planet that are to be blamed and are currently being searched for. Carlie an’ Ricardo. She doesn’t deserve to ever call you her son. She is poison and I will rid her and her disgustin’ husband of this earth.”
I took a deep breath in and let it out,
“I want in on the action.”
His eyes widened this time,
“ya sure you can look at the people who abused you and do what you need to do?”
I nodded sharply.
“For Jude and Katerina, I can do just about anythin’.”
****
I wanted to do what my dad told me to which was open my heart up to trust her again, but it was so hard. I didn’t know why I was like this.
When I got home, Katerina nor Brownie was nowhere to be found. For a moment, I panicked but not even a second later, the door opened and there she was. She walked in with Brownie in her arms, was he asleep? She was laughing with someone and when I saw who, I rolled my eyes. I did not miss the high school days of Cassie giving me thefuck meeyes nor did I enjoy it when she spotted me standing in the foyer. Why was she always able to find me in the room? It wasn’t attractive or anything, it was frustrating as hell.
“Hey,” Katerina said to me with a genuine smile on her face. “Went for a walk and coffee. Brownie’s all tired out.”
As soon as she said his name, it was like she woke him up. He opened his tired little eyes and she placed him on the floor. Brownie looked at Katerina then he turned to me, he tilted his head at me. I smiled as I crouched, Brownie cautiously came to me and then once I scratched right behind his ear, his little tail began wagging.
“Did you have a good time?” I asked as I looked up at Katerina.
