Page 150 of A Convenient Secret
“Okay, Zoya and I will make you breakfast when you arrive tomorrow,” I say, hopeful that this turn of events will force us to stay together, and Declan will realize he’s acting out of frustration and fear.
“Actually, I called my mom. Zoya can stay with her.” He stands up, still holding Zoya. He kisses her cheeks, still avoiding my eyes.
It feels like it’s been ages since he treated me like this. Like I don’t exist.
I noticed you.
He said that to me, but it feels like I’m invisible to him now. He doesn’t even want me to stay with his daughter.
“Maybe you can take her over there?” He finally looks at me. It’s like he is staring over me, the gaze I grew to love, to cherish, to provoke, gone.
“Of course.”
As I leave with Zoya, I wonder ifof courseare the last words I will ever tell him.
Zoya chats in the car, but I only hear half of it, my mind returning to the hospital.You need to go be with your father. I need to be with my son. With both my kids.
That may be true, but it’s not a finality. I need to visit my father, but I want to be with Declan and his kids. I love Zach and Zoya like they are mine.
He may push me away now, but I know he doesn’t mean that. Does he? This is a horrible situation we are currently in. Instead of leaning into me, he’s pushed me away. I’m not going to let him.
I’ll delay my flight by a few hours and wait for him, so we can talk, and I can show him we are stronger than this. Because I hope we are. I believe we are.
I just hope I’m not the only one fighting for us.
“It’s going to be okay.” Zoya snuggles closer to me.
I hug her little body tightly, drawing strength from her. “Zach will recover quickly.”
“But evewything else, too.”
My heart gallops so fast, it may just escape my chest. What did she pick up on? How do I explain?
She tilts her head to look at me. “Youw daddy will be okay, and you will come back.”
Jesus. “Sweetheart, you know how you were really sad on the last day because your teacher will no longer be your teacher? I told you the new teacher will be equally nice, and you said I can’t know that?”
She nods, her lower lip quivering.
“This is similar. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but it doesn’t matter what happens; you have a very special space in my heart, and that will never change. I know that.”
“I will be bwave fow you and fow Daddy.”
It sucks that she needs to be. It sucks that I am who I am, and her brother is in the hospital because of that.
It sucks that her father experienced so much turmoil in his life already that another blow has him doubting everything.
It sucks that I have to leave.
Dorothy welcomes us with a concerned smile. At least her residence isn’t surrounded by reporters.
“Zoya, love, there are fresh cookies in the kitchen.”
“Yummie.” Zoya hugs my legs one last time and skips away.
“How is Zach?” Dorothy asks.
“He’s good. Very brave. His wrist is broken though, so he’s got a cast.”
