Page 149 of A Convenient Secret
They both look at me, their eyes full of trust.
I force a smile. “I have to go away for a little while.”
Zach tenses, and his fingers running over the cast freeze. I see the wheels turning in his head, processing. He looks away, his jaw tense. I can practically see how he withdraws.
“For how long?” His voice is cautious, controlled, like he already knows he won’t like the answer.
I inhale through my nose, blinking against the sting in my eyes. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”
“You can’t go!” Zoya’s voice is high-pitched, frantic, her small hands gripping the fabric of my dress like she can hold me in place. “You live with us now.”
Oh, my poor heart.
Zach looks at me, but there is no warmth in his eyes. “Are you coming back?”
Before I can answer, his sister’s tiny body collides into my side, nearly knocking me over. I press a kiss into Zoya’s hair, my throat so tight I can barely breathe. “My daddy is sick. And I have to go help him.”
Zoya sniffs loudly, hiccupping. “But why can’t someone else help him? You awe helping us.”
I squeeze her, my arms wrapping tight around her tiny frame. “Because sometimes, when you love someone, you have to be there for them. Just like your daddy is always here for you.”
Zach watches me closely. I can see the way his mind is working through it, trying to find the cracks in my explanation.
“And you can’t help him from here?” His voice is quiet but sharp.
At least he doesn’t repeat his previous question. I can’t lie to them, but I can’t promise them I’ll be back. If their father doesn’t want me back? For the first time, I grasp the enormity of potentially losing them.
I shake my head, brushing his dark hair back from his forehead. “Not this time.”
His lips press into a hard line, and I see it—the walls going up. “People always leave,” he mutters.
The words crack through me like an icicle, shattering me into pieces.
I grip his small shoulders, forcing him to meet my gaze. “Not everyone. Your dad? He will always be here. And me?” I brush my fingers through Zoya’s hair. “I will always love you, no matter where I am.”
Zoya’s tiny fingers tighten on the fabric of my skirt, her voice trembling. “I don’t want you to go.”
Neither do I.
“I know it’s not fair, but I need you both to be brave, okay?”
Zoya sniffles, wiping at her eyes. “Okay, I’ll be bwave fow you. I hope youw dad gets bettew soon, so you can come back.”
“You both need to be brave for your daddy, and take good care of him.”
Hopefully, my plea gives these little angels some reassurance. That in my absence, their dad still has them.
“Hopefully your dad gets better before I get my cast down,” Zach says, and I barely keep it together.
Declan returns and Zoya runs to him. He scoops her up, closing his eyes, holding her close. I’m grateful he has them to comfort him. I’m mad at him forpushing me away, but I don’t think I can get through to him now.
“Zach, you will need to stay here tonight. They need to make sure your wrist doesn’t swell under the cast. It’s just a precaution.” He sits at the bed, Zoya snuggled in his lap.
“Okay,” Zach says, his voice shaking slightly.
“I can stay with him,” I offer.
“I’ll stay.” Declan doesn’t look at me.
