Page 89 of In Want of a Wife
It was what she was best at.
And after today, she hoped to have excellent news about her science texts. There was a lecture at the Royal Society, and she was determined to find someone to discuss them with. Charlotte would be there to make any necessary introductions.
She couldn’t return to Cumbria to her father. And she wasn’t sure where she should go next. She had no true home at the moment, but instead of feeling lost, she felt surprisingly steady in her decision to return to London.
If Rafe couldn’t allow her to love him, and if he couldn’t trusthimself enough to love her in return, then that was never going to be successful. She didn’t wish to be a burden to anyone any longer, nor to herself.
Lily was determined to find peace in this world and make space for herself.
She shut her book and swung her feet down from the bench. It was nearly time for tea before she readied for the lecture. The anticipation of it fluttered in her stomach.
Muffled voices echoed from the hallway, so she popped her head out, inching toward the stairs.
There Charlotte and Kate guarded the door with the footman, and Rafe stood on the stairs, being refused in.
“I have searched everywhere for her. Please, I must see her.”
A hole in her chest opened at the sound of his voice. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. And she couldn’t find the grace within herself to allow him inside.
“If you have a letter, we can pass it on,” Charlotte said. “But Lily is otherwise occupied and doesn’t wish to see you.”
Charlotte was right. Lily didn’t wish to see him because the hurt was far too fresh, and whatever he had to say, it was too late.
Kate stormed close and wagged a finger in Rafe’s face. He didn’t back down an inch, but neither did Kate, and that was one of the many reasons Lily loved her so.
“A woman's reputation is all she has in this world. Once it’s gone, it’s very hard to ever have that restored, Mr. Davies. Search all you wish, write as many letters as needed, but if you think I will let you near Lily after what you have?—”
Charlotte held up her hand. “Kate, we should let him speak.”
He backed away a step, scratching his brow. “I need to see Lily. I understand you want to protect her. You both love her, and I appreciate that she has the two of you since life has not been kind to her. But what I have to say to her is best for her to hear directly.”
“Then you will need to wait until she is ready. As she isn’t available at the moment, you will need to try another time.”
Both Kate and Charlotte relaxed their shoulders, standing away.
Lily could go downstairs, and this all would end. She could hear Rafe out or simply dismiss him, but she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to do either, so she remained hidden in the hallway until Rafe finally left.
Once the door closed, she shuffled out to the stairs, sank down, and leaned against the wall to steady the world around her. Why did it feel as if her heart had just walked away?
“Oh, Lily!” Kate turned and caught sight of Lily on the stairs. Her gray eyes softened. “Don’t worry, he won’t be seeing you until you are ready.”
But she had still seen him. He was still that tall, handsome man she came to recklessly love, even if he also appeared a little heartbroken.
“I don’t know if I will ever be.”
“Then you won’t be.” Charlotte ascended the stairs and helped Lily up. “Come, let’s have tea before the lecture.”
A few hours later, Lily strolled through the hall for the science lecture, certain everything was about to change. Her body buzzed with excitement as everyone mulled about. Charlotte assisted with introductions, and Lily was invited to speak with a publisher at the end of the lecture.
She tapped her foot and waved her fan, anything to stop her nerves. Finally, she excused herself, slipping out into the hallway for a moment. She closed her eyes and reclined against the marble pillar.
When she opened her eyes, she was certain she was dreaming.
Rafe stood in the doorway to the street, turned out in his naval uniform. She used the wall to help prop her up so as not to crumble to the floor.
She couldn’t run away, couldn’t refuse him.
And she couldn’t look away.
