Page 90 of In Want of a Wife
For the brief time they had known each other, he was Rafe. But here, standing before her like some Roman god, finally was Lieutenant Rafe Davies.
He removed his hat and approached, his features drawn in concentration.
“Hello, Lily,” he said, his voice soft.
She nodded, her mouth suddenlydry. “Hello.”
“I called on the duchess earlier today. I have been searching for you everywhere.”
It was probably for the best that she avoided telling him she had heard it all and had hidden away like a coward. “I’ve been invited to speak with Mr. Lloyd at the end of tonight’s lecture about my textbook. I can’t talk?—”
He pressed his lips together and nodded. Not a curl was out of place, and his face was freshly shaved. She could smell his cologne. “It is awful timing, I know, but I must speak to you.”
Lily finally righted herself and clasped her hands together, uncomfortable by how much they longed to touch Rafe. But not here, not now.
“There isn’t anything left to say.”
“I owe you an apology. No, probably several. And an explanation.”
Lily glanced behind her at the packed lecture hall, then glanced back toward Rafe. The lines etched around his smile and eyes today didn’t remind her of laughter. There was far too much sadness in his hazel eyes for that.
“All you had to do was stay.”
“I can’t. I… I’m meeting with my superiors after this. I’ve been told to expect a promotion and a new posting. My leave is finished.”
Enough time hadn’t passed. Surely that was why her broken heart bled then.
She hadn’t been ready to speak with him, but there had been a comfort in knowing he was likely at Cliffstone as she pieced her life back together in London. But with him gone from England, sailing the world, it felt far too final of a goodbye.
“I wish I could stay. I wish I could have found the courage to tell you the truth. But I don’t regret ever placing that advertisement or our time together.” His voice broke, and he reached for her, but she shook her head.
No, she was certain that, if he touched her, she would finally, well and good, fall to pieces.
“I’m certain I hate you,” she whispered, tears burning in her eyes. “But then you have to show up.” She waved her hands as if that wasenough explanation. Dear heavens and all things holy, the man was made for a uniform.
“I wish you well, Rafe. Truly. Now I must return before I draw any attention to my absence.”
“Wait.”
She spun around, drawing in her breath at how close he was to her. She gazed into his hazel eyes, already missing how he drank her in as if he hadn’t had a sip of water for days.
He reached out and tucked that damned errant piece of hair behind her ear. “We are not done yet, Lily. I swear it.”
She was far stronger than she realized. Somehow, she spun on her heels and returned to the lecture and never once looked behind, knowing full well he stood in the doorway and watched for a moment before finally taking his leave.
Lily shut her eyes and took a shuddering breath, then exhaled before Charlotte glanced at her and squeezed her hand.
“Don’t be nervous, love,” she whispered from behind her fan. “Mr. Lloyd seemed riveted by your proposal. I am sure good things will come from tonight.”
Lily swallowed hard and focused back on the speaker, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep her attention to his words on magnetism. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, and she fought with all her might not to jump up and run after Rafe. He had made a grave error in lying to her, and she wasn’t certain she could ever trust him again. But love seemed to mess with logic, which was rather unfortunate.
It didn’t matter that when the lecture ended and Charlotte introduced Lily to Mr. Lloyd, and they spoke about her ambition of publishing science texts for young girls, that he showed genuine interest. She had been working for the past two years on the project, and it meant everything to her, and yet she didn’t feel happy.
“That went wonderfully,” Charlotte said in the carriage later that evening. “I am so pleased for you.”
Lily watched London pass by, a pit in her stomach deepening. “Do you still wish to open a school for girls?”
Charlotte glanced over and tilted her head. “I’ve considered it. I have the perfect spot here in London for it. Why?”
