Page 87 of In Want of a Wife
“Luckily for you, it is the summer, and London is never very busy in the summer.”
“I don’t know what to do with myself, Lottie. No one would marry me before, never mind now. I only wished to marry to find some security and leave my father’s house.”
“Is that what you truly wanted?”
“What?” Lily felt as if she could toss back her head and scream into an endless void that had gobbled her up since leaving Cliffstone. If she yelled, who would care?
Kate or Charlotte maybe, but eventually they would tire of Lily. Lily was tired of Lily.
“Do you want a husband?”
“Well, yes. Of course, I do.”
“Why?”
“That seems like a ridiculous question. Because we must. No one longs to be a spinster. Society certainly frowns upon it. And I can’t stomach being left at the mercy of my family because I couldn’t land a husband. I am not as undesirable as that. At least I hadn’t…”
“Do you wish for stability or a love match?”
Lily’s heart tightened at that because once that answer had been vastly easier to answer.
“As you well know, Lottie, love matches are rare. I saw what losing my mother did to my father. I only want to secure my place in this world. Love is of no interest to me.”
Charlotte nodded, crossing her arms. “If love is of no interest, then I do not understand why you have locked yourself away and remained in bed. You certainly won’t secure a husband this way.”
The numbness that Lily had drowned in ebbed as anger bubbled up inside. Good. She wished to feel something, anything other than that empty hollowness somehow occupying her body. It made little sense.
But love, she had discovered, never did.
And she loved Rafe Davies. She was quite sure of it. But a lot of good that realization did for her now.
Alone and brokenhearted.
“I only ask you to dress and come for a walk with us. Come feel the sun on your face. Men are rarely ever worth the troubleof hiding away. We have lives of our own, and if they wish to be careless with our hearts, it is their loss, not our burden to bear. They will never understand how strong women truly are.”
Lily sighed, then dropped her head onto her friend’s shoulder.
“It hurts.”
Her friend grabbed her hand tightly in her own, then gently squeezed. “I know, sweet.”
“What will I do?”
“Today, we will begin with a walk. And maybe a bath.”
Lily chuckled, sniffing back tears.
“And tomorrow, you will try again, and I will be by your side.”
“Again?”Matilda asked, waltzing into the breakfast room in a bright yellow gown. It was much too sunny for another day at Cliffstone.
Rafe rested his head on his hand on the table, mindlessly stirring his coffee and searching the paper for any mention of Lily, and beside him sat a full plate of breakfast—untouched.
“At some point, you will need to eat.”
Henry strode in next, paused at the head of the table, then quietly turned to the side table to make himself a plate. Since arriving, Rafe had made it a point to avoid his brother. It didn’t seem to matter as his brother and his new wife were excellent at avoiding him. He was beginning to feel as if he were intruding on the newlyweds. And he certainly didn’t wish to remain longer, but London held too many important decisions.
And for two long, impossible weeks he had thought of nothing but Lily.
