Page 88 of In Want of a Wife
Lily and those soft lips of hers. The way her hand on his shoulder was all he needed to right the world when everything felt tipsy. He missed waking up to her, missed her talking about the stars excitedly, as if he understood what she was saying. He missed her damn brilliant mind and smile and her laugh.
And he had no one to blame but himself because had been tooterrified to trust her to love him. He certainly didn’t trust himself to love her, but instead of protecting her heart, he shattered it.
Along with his.
He didn’t know where she’d gone. And he thought, rather foolishly, that it would grow easier bearing her absence as the days passed, but he was sorely disappointed. It was growing more difficult to do anything but think of where she could be. His letters to the Duchess of Dandridge went unanswered. He doubted she would have returned to her family, but perhaps she had.
And he had caused her to do so.
She was far too good for them, certainly too good for Rafe.
And he had made a grave mistake in dismissing her when she needed him and when he loved her.
He sat up and stretched, grabbing his coffee and draining the bitter liquid from the cup before spotting something out in the distance.
“What’s that?” Rafe jumped to his feet and rushed to the window, rubbing his eyes, unsure if he was dreaming.
“That appears to be your sailboat.” Henry strolled up behind Rafe. “And this arrived with it this morning.” He handed Rafe a small envelope with a card.
“I heard you were excellent at sailing.” Matilda clasped her hands behind her back and joined them at the window. “It would be a shame for that boat to sit unused.”
He had left the sailboat in Wales, so why and how it was here at Cliffstone made no sense. He didn’t wish to sail, certainly not on that boat when all he could think of was the last time he was out on the ocean with Lily.
His hands trembled as he opened the small envelope, struck at the ghost that waited for him. Lily’s handwriting was scrawled across the slip of paper.
You deserve the horizon, Rafe. Don’t give it up now.
He clutched the note to his chest, staring out at his sailboat in the harbor as his heartbeat hammered in his ears.
“The man was paid by Miss Abrams to deliver the boat. He sailed it heredirectly from Wales.”
As happy as Rafe was at the news, he knew she only had one way to pay for such an expense.
He had waited and given her space as she had asked. He had been an arse to say the least, but he refused to let any more time pass without speaking to her and setting things right. Whether he remained here at Cliffstone or took a posting on another ship and sailed across the world, he would no longer punish himself and lose the woman he loved.
“I’m leaving,” he announced.
Matilda and Henry looked at him with wide-eyed surprise, before Matilda broke out into a gleeful smile.
His mind raced ahead, thinking of what he needed to bring, and where he would find the man who brought him his sailboat. And where Lily could be. He would burn down England until she was in his arms again, and then he suspected he had a long, detailed apology to make.
And still, that would never be enough.
“Please tell me you are leaving to make things right with Miss Abrams,” his brother said, following behind him as Rafe raced up the staircase to his bedroom to pack.
“If she will have me,” he shouted over his shoulder, “yes.”
“Hurry, but don’t forget to pack some scones!” Matilda’s voice echoed from below.
CHAPTER 14
Lily lovedthe room she had at Charlotte’s home in Mayfair. Or perhaps it was only that she felt safest there, curled up on the bench seat reading and writing until the day didn’t feel quite so overwhelming.
Another two weeks had passed, and Lily hadn’t heard from Rafe, not that she wished to. She was most certain of that.
Still, everything within her softened at the thought of him—before either an urge to cry or anger bubbled up, and then she was quite sure he was the daftest man in the history of the universe.
No matter, she had been alone much of her life.
