Page 105 of The Problem with Falling
The love of my life?
No.
I didn’t deserve that.
Yet there I was, wrapped in the arms of a man who made me feel safe when everything in Anna’s life felt so unsafe. My mind kept repeating the same thoughts.
Did she ever have her first kiss?!
Did she ever fall in love?!
The love of my life?!
Oh my gosh.
No.
I didn’t fucking deserve that.
For the next few days, I was quieter than usual. I did my best to act normal, but my mind was in a spiral.
Anna, Eric, Carter. Anna, Eric, Carter. Anna, Eric, Carter.
On the whole ride back to Westin Lake, Theo did the most talking. He offered to let me choose the music. I declined. He still put on music that he knew I’d love. I saw the sadness in his eyes. I was going to break his heart.
I wanted to die.
We got backto his place. He opened the passenger door for me and held his hand out to take mine. He helped me out of the car. I tried to walk away quickly, but he pulled me into a hug. He held me tight. I was going to break his heart.
I wanted to die.
When we walkedinside the house, I told him I needed a shower. He offered to shower with me. I said I wanted to shower alone. I needed to push him away, and I knew I had to be cruel to do so. I was going to break his heart.
I wanted to die.
Theo startledme slightly when I stepped out of the shower. He stood there with a towel for me. He held it out, and I stepped into it, wrapping myself up. “Thank you,” I said.
He wrapped his arms around me from behind and skimmed his mouth against my earlobe. “Why are you running from me?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve been avoiding me for a few days now.”
“I’m not avoiding you. I’ve been in bed with you every night this week. That’s far from running.”
“You are, though. Maybe not physically, but emotionally, I see you withdrawing.”
I lowered my head and looked at the floor. “That’s not true.”
“Then why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
He placed a finger beneath my chin and tilted my head up to meet his stare. “Avoid looking at me.”
I moved my head slightly, breaking the stare from him. “I don’t avoid looking at you.”
“This past week, we’ve had sex with the lights off, and even then, you always closed your eyes.”
