Page 117 of Break My Heart
As I watch Nash and Callie get married, I think about what my own wedding will be like. Will my dad even show up? He hasn’t shown up for stuff in the past. Birthdays. Holidays. He’d say he’d come home for them, but a lot of times he wouldn’t. And like Callie and Nash, I don’t have my mom anymore. I was so young when she died, I barely remember her.
After the ceremony, everyone goes to the barn for dinner. The rustic wood tables have orange and white pumpkins down the center with twinkling lights wound between them. Larger pumpkins of all types and colors decorate the rest of the barn, along with giant pots of orange and yellow mums and tall black lanterns. It’s simple, but pretty.
When dinner is over, the music starts and we all watch as Callie and Nash have their first dance. As the song ends, I hear my phone ringing. I take it out and see my dad’s name on the screen.
‘It’s my dad,’ I say to Sawyer as I get up from the table. ‘I’m going to take it outside so I can hear.’
He nods and watches as I go.
‘Hey, Dad,’ I say, still trying to make my way to the door.
‘Where are you? I can hardly hear you.’
‘I’m at a wedding reception. The music is loud.’ I go outside, shivering when I feel the cold air. ‘Okay, now I can hear.’
‘I won’t keep you. I just wanted to share some news.’
‘What is it?’ I ask, already feeling nervous. His news usually isn’t good.
‘I got a job,’ he says, sounding excited. ‘It starts in March, after I’m officially retired.’
He means retired from the military. He would’ve stayed in the military forever if they let him. He’s been dreading retirement, not sure what he was going to do.
‘What’s the job?’
‘Same as I’m doing now. Fixing equipment. A buddy of mine who retired last year has been working at this place for a few months now and introduced me to the hiring manager. I went for the interview and the guy hired me on the spot.’
‘Where is it? Where’s the job?’
‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,’ he says, his tone turning serious. ‘It’s here in Germany, not far from the base. I know you were hoping I’d come back to the States, but it just didn’t work out that way. You understand, don’t you?’
I don’t, but if I told him that, it wouldn’t matter. He does what he wants. It doesn’t matter that I miss having a dad and want him to come home. He doesn’t think that way. I’ve learned that I just have to accept that.
‘Yeah, of course. I understand. So will you be coming back here before the job starts?’
‘I’m not sure. Janet, the lady I’ve been seeing, wants to take a little trip before I start the job. I told her I’d think about it.’
‘Okay, well, I should get back to the reception.’
‘You’re doing good, right? Making friends in that new town of yours?’
‘Yeah, Dad, I’m good.’ I’m not going to tell him my business failed and the building was vandalized. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t offer to help. He’d just tell me I’ll figure it out.
‘I’ll talk to you later, kid.’
‘Bye, Dad.’
‘You okay?’ I hear Sawyer say.
I turn around and see him standing just outside the door. ‘How long have you been standing there?’
‘I just came out. I thought you might be cold.’ He walks up to me and wraps his suit jacket around my shoulders.
‘Thanks.’ I close the jacket around me, shivering.
‘Let’s go inside. It’s freezing out here.’
I turn back to the orchard, looking out at the darkness.
