Page 118 of Break My Heart
Sawyer appears in front of me. ‘What’s wrong? What’d he say?’
‘He’s not coming back. He got a job that starts after he leaves the military.’ I pause. ‘It’s in Germany.’
‘Gina, I’m sorry.’ Sawyer gently rubs my arm.
I look down. ‘I shouldn’t be surprised. I should’ve known he wouldn’t come back. He has a girlfriend there, and now he has a new job. His life isn’t here. It never has been. I guess I just thought he’d at least consider moving back since he’s the only family I have left.’
‘You have us. Me. My brothers. My parents.’
I look up at him. ‘Sawyer, I haven’t decided if I’m staying. I love that you and your family offered to help me get G’s back in business, but why do all that work if it’s just going to fail again?’
‘Are you talking about G’s or about us?’ He steps closer. ‘What are you really afraid of Gina? G’s not working out, or us?’
I’d never considered that before now, but what if he’s right? What if the reason I’m not fighting to save G’s is because I’m afraid to fight for Sawyer and me? Because I’m afraid if we get back together, I’ll fall even more in love with him and then something will happen to make it end. I can get over my business failing, but I’m not sure I can get over Sawyer. I’ve been a mess since we broke up. I’ve been using G’s and the cider competitionto distract me, but the pain of our breakup is still there. It’ll hurt even worse if we get back together and it doesn’t work out.
‘I’m going inside,’ he says. ‘You coming with?’
‘I’ll be there in a minute.’
As he goes back in the barn, my thoughts linger on what he said. He thinks I’m running away. From him. His family. Callie and Lyndsay, who have become like sisters to me.
If that’s true, it means I’m no better than my dad, running away from the people who love me. Why would I do that? Why would I run from that?
‘What are you doing out here? It’s damn near freezing.’
I turn and see Carl, Sawyer’s dad, coming up to me.
‘I was on the phone.’ I pull Sawyer’s jacket tighter around me. ‘I couldn’t hear with the music.’
‘Why don’t you come back inside and warm up?’
I nod, but remain where I am.
Carl stands beside me, staring out at the orchard. ‘So what’s the latest with you and Sawyer? You two back to being friends?’
‘We were always friends.’ I laugh a little. ‘Even when we were kids, fighting about who would win the pie-eating contest, we were friends. We just didn’t want to admit it.’
‘You think you two will be anything more than that?’
‘I don’t know.’
He’s quiet a moment, then says, ‘Sawyer got hurt real bad back when Kendall left. Never thought he’d let himself get close to a girl again.’ He pauses a moment. ‘He knows you might take off like she did, but he still wants to try to make it work with you. That should tell you something.’
What is he saying? That Sawyer loves me?
‘My boys changed after I had my heart attack last summer,’ Carl says. ‘They realized life’s too short to let your fears stop you from going out and getting what you want. Just look at Nick. Ayear ago he was living in New York, working seven days a week with nothing to show for it but a big bank account. He wasn’t happy, but he was too afraid to tell anyone. He thought we’d be disappointed in him if he quit being a lawyer. He thought he was stuck in that life. But now look at him. He’s happier than ever and engaged to the girl he’s been pining over since high school. He took a risk and it paid off.’ Carl notices me shivering and puts his arm around me. ‘Let’s get you inside before you freeze to death.’
Sometimes Carl feels more like a dad than my own dad, and I’ve only known Carl a few months. We go in the barn and he walks over to Martha while I return to the table and give Sawyer his jacket.
He lays it over the chair as he stands up. ‘Dance with me.’
Looking out at the dance floor, I see it’s filled with couples now. Martha and Carl join in as a new song begins.
‘C’mon.’ Sawyer takes my hand. ‘It’ll help you warm up.’
He takes me to the dance floor and we find a spot off to the side, away from the band.
‘What’s the smile for?’ he asks, as we sway to the music.
