Page 8 of Nine Inch Nasty
Oh my gods, it's another unicorn.
I look around me. It's nothingbutunicorns. “Where the hell am I?” I gasp. “No, don't answer that. I'm in that glitter place, aren't I? The one where Salad came from.”
“You know Salad?” this dude asks, looking very doubtful.
I stand up and brush myself off, not hating the fact that my belly button’s all shimmery now from the residue on the clouds. Delightful. “Yes, I know Salad. I’m mated to his very special... lady friend.”
He scoffs. “Lady friend? Nobody calls it that. At least nobody that’sactuallyin a relationship. I knew it was fake!”
There're a bunch of loud gasps around me, and I feel naked even though I'm definitely not. The micro mini skirt I'm wearing is a perfectly respectful length. Only the barest hint of cheek shows.
Oops. I just outed Delaney and Salad, didn't I?
Truth is, I really don't know what they are. And yes, I’ve given up on using his full name; it’s a mouthful, okay?
Him and Delaney are awfully confusing; they say they want nothing to do with each other, but... I know a longing stare when I see one. “You know what, it's complicated, alright? They're literally from different worlds. Plus, she's already got like… I don't even know how many husbands. She's quite busy.”
“Hussy,” somebody from the crowd says and then the crowd disperses with shakes of their head.
Oh no. They donotget to insult my woman like that. “Yeah, well, so what if she is? She loves when we call her that. And you know what else? We have all kinds of dirty sweaty…shit. I haven’t actually slept with her, and I have a moral block against discussing my sex life with strangers before it even exists. Oh! I know what to tell you; we’re going to have the kinkiest, most awesome sex ever when I finally put out! So there! You unicorns don’t know what you’re missing!”
I try to storm off in a huff, but I don't know where I'm going. So I plop onto a bench instead, coincidentally made out of clouds, and debate how stupid I would look if I tried to tear a piece off to eat it. What's the rule? If it smells like a duck and it looks like a duck, it's gotta be a duck? Well, this bench is doing a very convincing impersonation of cotton candy. Plus, I'm kind of starving.
I look around, trying to get my bearings. Where the hell did I even come from?
“Mind if I sit?” The dude I was talking to asks as he gestures next to me.
I cross my legs primly and shake my head no, slightly angling myself away from him. I'm a taken woman. There will be no wrong ideas given out here, I assure you.
“I'm sorry. For, you know, taking you out of your cloud. Were you very happy as a cloud? Maybe we could turn you back...”
I respond to him quickly. “No! Don't you dare. That was... weird. A cloud, huh? That's new. What did you even do? I have no idea what's going on.”
He's staring at my legs. I know, they're great. His eyes meet mine and a little twinkle of warmth enters them. “Turtle.” he holds out his hand.
“Your name... is Turtle. Okay, why not? Hi, Turtle. I'm Cory.”
“Me and a few buddies have been searching the kingdom, we don't think it's right what the goddess did. Messing with people's lives like this.” He shakes his head. Maybe he's on my side. “We weren't quite sure what we’d do if we found one of you, but somebody from our team thought it would be pretty obvious how to turn you from a cloud into…not a cloud. The goddess isn't so good at being secretive.”
“Wait, one of me? You mean the rest of my woman's men are hidden around the kingdom? Like a virile male treasure hunt? I could be into that.”
He snorts. He's a silvery white color with electric green accents, in his mostly human form with hooflike hands like Saladriel usually sports. “Yeah, that's what I mean. And not that you asked, but there was literally a switch floating around in yourcloud that said, ‘Find human here.’ At least it was written in our language so it would have just looked like a symbol to anybody else. But still. Pretty small chance of anybody not from here finding it.”
“Well then, thank you. For rescuing me. I need to find Delaney. And Adam! Where's Adam? Where's Delaney? Where's anybody?” Once I start asking myself questions, I start to panic.
“Hold on there, it's alright. Salad lives not too far from here. Might be worth a shot going there first, on the off chance they're there. If not, we'll figure something else out. Maybe one of his neighbors will know where he's been. He's bound to know where your...womanis though if we can track him down.”
“You don't believe me that I like a woman, do you? Joke’s on you. I greatly appreciate her breasts and her other bits. They're wonderful. Just like the rest of her.”
“Didn't say that,” he says with a head shake. “Just trying to figure you out, that's all. Not used to seeing people like you around here.”
I stand up, indignant. “What's that supposed to mean? People likeme? You've never seen a non-binary person before?”
He laughs and waves me off. “It's the attitude actually, that's throwing me off. You're like a little spitfire. Couldn't care less what you like to wear or how you see yourself. I'm just greatly entertained by everything that comes out of your mouth.”
Before I can stop myself, the words just fly out of my mouth. “Well thank you. My partners usually compliment me on the things I putintomy mouth, but it's nice to hear it can go both ways.”
“You're trouble, I can tell. Come on, let's go check Salad’s place.”
