Page 25 of Bourbon Wishes
"How is that different? It's literally the same thing."
"Is not," I mumble.
Haven eyes me silently for a moment. "You really like him, don't you?"
I shrug, avoiding her gaze.
"I know you aren't actually afraid of turning this place into a warzone. It's basically one of those all-day, every-day anyway. You've met my idiot cousins. They argue all the time, usually about the dumbest stuff on the planet. So what are you so worried about?"
I bite my lip, hesitant to tell her…but who the hell else am I going to talk to about this if not her? All of my friends in town are related to him, either by blood or marriage. Damn. I need more friends.
"He was a virgin too," I whisper.
"And he didn't do it right? Virgin sex is supposed to be awkward."
"No, it's not that." I frown at her, which makes her giggle. I doubtawkwardis even in Bastian's vocabulary. Nothing about him is uncomfortable or unsure. He was probably born good ateverything. He's definitely not bad at sex, that's for sure. I still can't feel my toes. "It wasn't awkward at all. It was amazing. It's just…I don't know!"
"You're freaking out," she guesses.
I nod. "Big time. I was convinced he hated me. And then he kissed me, and I figured, okay, he wants to sleep with me. But then he dropped the V-card bomb, and it threw me for a loop." I stare at her with wide eyes. "He literally told me I was worth the wait."
"Wow," she whispers. "Bastian actually has game. Who knew?”
My lips pull down into a frown. "Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Talk about him like…like he's a foreign species or something," I grumble, offended on his behalf. "All of you guys treat him like he's not normal, but there's nothing wrong with him. He's a good guy, and he works his ass off for all of you."
Haven stares at me for a long moment, just grinning. "You have it so bad."
"I'm serious!"
Her expression softens. "We don't treat him like a foreign species, Constance. We all love Bastian, and we're all grateful as hell for everything he does around here. None of us could do what he does. But we also know that he works too hard, and he forgot how to have fun a long time ago. Maybe we tease him because we're worried that he'll forget what it's like to relax once in a while if we don't." She shrugs. "We worry about him. No one should work as hard as he does."
"Sorry," I sigh, guilt whispering through me. I know they all love Bastian. I’m pretty sure they’d take a bullet for him without hesitation. I’m just spiraling.
We had sex. Multiple times.
"What if we end up hating each other?" I ask, my voice whisper quiet.What if I'm just something he wants to conquer and control?
"You're spiraling."
"Clearly." I scrub my hands down my face. "He's so closed off and…bossy. I guess I just figured he probably had all kinds of experience. But he doesn't. He waited this long, then gave it up to me." I stare at her like she has any answers for me. "I get on his damn nerves every day. Why me?"
Iknowwhy I said yes to him. I've been wild about him for months. I guess I'm having a hard time believing he's felt the same way when he's had a stick up his butt and a permanent glower the whole damn time I've worked here.
"You know what it's like growing up around here?" Haven asks softly. "I mean, my cousins and siblings aside, people always treated us like we were cattle on the block or something. Like, as soon as they found out who we were, you could see the wheels start turning. Most of us never really dated because it was never about us. It was about our family or the vineyard. People never wanted to date Haven or Bastian or Jax or Liam; they wanted to date a Goodson or a Grayson. We were interchangeable to them, and I mean that literally. They didn't care which of us they dated, just so long as they got to say they were dating one of us. Miriam dated a boy in high school. As soon as she broke up with him, he tried to date Mika, her own twin. When Mika told him to get lost, he tried to get with Hermione."
"What a dick."
"It happened a lot," she mutters. "Girls at school would concoct entire schemes to try to get with one of my cousins and then throw fits when they never took the bait. It's why most of us still don't date. So I'm not surprised Bastian was a virgin. And I'm not surprised he picked you. You actually see us as people.You know how good that feels after a lifetime of being treated like a prize to be won or a potential payday?"
I see the longing in her gaze, and fall silent, not sure how to respond. Her life is not like mine, for sure. I can't even imagine being treated like a prize to be won because my family is wildly successful. In fact, it was always the opposite for me. We never went without, but we never had extra, either. And I was someone to avoid because of my brother. He was so overprotective that I didn't even have my first kiss until college. And the two that followed it weren't any better than that one.
But when Bastian kissed me, there were fireworks. There was a heavenly choir. So yeah, I'm freaking out. How can I not?
I do not want to fuck this up, but most days, I want to strangle the man. Most days, he wants to spank me into submission.He's my boss.If ever there was the potential for disaster and devastation, this is it. But a big part of me—a terrifyingly large part—wants to risk it anyway.
