Page 77 of The Casualty of Us
His thumb makes another pass through that wetness on my cheek, and I realize it’s coming from me. I’m crying.
“Graham—” I try again, another crash of pressure against my chest making my breath hitch. “Can go.”
Because I need to limit the witnesses. First order of business.
Hayes’s eyes narrow, and he moves them between mine a couple of times before giving me a tight nod. “Fine.” He turns his head, giving me a view of the boys’ dorm and Graham sitting on the couch with a concerned look on his face. “I’ve got her, Bettencourt.”
How did I get here?
“You kind of checked out.” Graham stands slowly with the answer, making me realize I must have spoken out loud. “You kept asking for Ollie at first, so I brought you here.”
I stare at him with complete and utter mortification setting in as he looks down, my face heating uncomfortably and bringing a fresh wave of tears. “I’m so sorry.”
His head jerks back up at the same time Hayes looks back and bites out, “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
Something about the statement has a little whimper trying to escape past my lips, but I press them together. Fighting off the cries that are still trapped there and nodding my head a couple of times to shut him up for now. Tracking how Graham’s eyes move between the two of us before coming back to mine with what almost looks like a spark of happiness.
“I’ll see you later, Fitzroy.” He gives me a small smile, starting to walk to where we’re standing halfway to the door. “And he’s right, you have nothing to be sorry about, okay? You told me not to touch your hair.”
I didn’t know why, though.
Apparently I was playing games with myself—hide-and-seek, ready or not, no take-backs—but I can’t tell him that or anything else as he slides by where Hayes is still half holding me up. Can’t apologize for my trauma like I want to. I just squeeze my eyes shut and keep my lips pressed together until a click sounds through the air, bringing with it both glorious relief and a renewed panic that has me hiccuping from trying to keep it all contained.
“What do you need?”
The soft rasp has me clutching at the warmth beneath my palm with another gasp. “Ollie.”
“I know.” He clears his throat. “He started two-a-days last week, but I think I yelled at Graham to text him, so hopefully…”
In other words, I’m most likely fucked.
“I can leave and go get him—”
I dig my fingers into his chest. “No.” Opening my eyes to beg, “Don’t leave me. Please d–don’t—”
“I won’t.” He gives me a sharp shake of his head, immediately squeezing my hand. “I’m right here. I won’t leave you.” The hand on my face slides around to the back of my head, and the next thing I know he’s wrapping his arm around me. “I promise. I’ve got you. I promise.” He pulls me in, engulfing me in fresh cedar with my next gasp for air. “It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re right here. I promise.”
I bury my face in his chest, right up against our hands while trying to get it out. “I–I–”
“What?” His voice drops low with the whisper, but the hand on the back of my head holds perfectly still. “Tell me how to make it better, and I’ll do it, O.”
“I–I–” I gasp, wrapping my free arm around him in turn and seeking out more of that warmth while confessing. “I just need to feel safe again.”
His body goes tense against mine, another beat passing before he nods against the top of my head. “Okay, Freckles, I’m going to pick you up for a second, yeah?”
I open my mouth to suck down a deep breath, but it still takes me a second more to mumble against his chest. “Yeah.”
“All right, one second.” His hand squeezes mine once more before he lets go and wraps it around my waist, the other one dropping from my head to join it. “Here we go.”
He lifts me into the air gently, leaving my feet hanging and taking those first steps quickly but smoothly. It doesn’t matter, though. The movement alone is enough to jostle loose a fresh wave of panic. Enough to have me pressing my lips together tighter and sucking down more of that cedar scent to drown in.
Something to remind me that I’m here.
“Okay, okay,” he hushes. “Almost there.” Another click sounds through the air. “You hear that, O?”
I dip my chin against him, not even trying to reply beyond that.
“You want to feel safe, yeah?”
