Page 59 of The Casualty of Us
I flinch. “Stop it.”
“That I walked back to my dorm and puked after because all I could think about was you? Is that what you want?” He leans in so close we’re practically breathing the same air. “You don’t need to remind me that you deserve better because it was all I could think about the whole fucking break.” I purse my lips, and his eyes flick down to them before slowly rising to mine again. “But I’ll own every part of that night and anything after because I’m fucking sorry, and it was a stupid mistake.”
And I know he means it, it’s all over him, undeniable at this point…right there in his face, eyes, voice, and spirit. Little apologies probably written into the code of his DNA by now, if I had to guess. But he still can’t change it, he can’t change anything, and neither can I, because no matter how many A’s, C’s, G’s, and T’s we pile on—
“But you.” His soft words pull me back enough to catch how the hazel is moving all over my face now. “All you’re doing now is purposefully hurting us both, but guess what?” He pauses, gaze locking with mine and I hold my breath. “I don’t care. I’m still here.”
I already ran out to grab some ice cream. No take-backs.
“Ollie!”
Messy, messy, messy.
“You want to know the truth?” I gasp, ignoring the ache that’s made it all the way up to my throat, and breathe back through it. “Less, Hayes.”
His brows shoot down sharply, the familiarity of it not hitting him yet, and I try to blink away the liquid fighting to fill my eyes.
“You turned out to be less than I expected.” I fight to get it out, watching the hit land in real time as he flinches. “Which is really just about the worst part of it all, because you may not know exactly who I am—” A gasp cuts me off before I can stop it, pinching my face up and leaving me barely managing the rest. “But you knew enough to not do this, didn’t you?”
And then I break down and beg him…beg him with my eyes to change it.
To tell me I’m wrong. To argue some point I’ve somehow overlooked.
To go back, change it. Somehow, some way.
To not make whatever dumb choices he did that night.
So that I don’t have to ever deny this forgiveness to begin with.
I beg him somewhere between us where the blue is reaching for hazel, even if the panic I can see slowly starting to fill his face is my answer.
Because his silence…well, that’s it, isn’t it?
The one undeniable fact we can’t get around—and I’ve called him on it.
He opens his mouth, a puff of air escaping before he closes it, and I shake my head to cover up the way my bottom lip is starting to tremble. Clenching my fingers around my backpack and grabbing my chem book off the table before spinning to get the fuck away from it. Not even bothering to zip the bag back up.
Almost running from him and my inability to forgive both of us.
Because…I didn’t see it. Let myself fall.
I didn’t see it again.
Realized too late—
“Ophelia! Come back here!”
His shout fills the air as I make it to the top of the two-story staircase that will shoot me out into the lobby, and the sound of it just sends me hurrying down those first few steps.
“Ophelia!” he calls again.
“Shove it up your ass!”
“Ophelia!”
“Leave me the fuck alone!”
I start to race down the steps as fast as safely possible, considering my past history with clumsy occurrences. Debating internally whether not having to speak to another person today is actually worth a trip to the emergency room at this point. The chances of me escaping right now are pretty slim without it, considering that he carries the athletic label and I—
