Page 44 of The Casualty of Us
“I told you, it’s stupid—”
“It’s not stupid if it hurts your heart,” she scolds softly. “No matter what was or wasn’t between you and this boy, he clearly mattered enough to you to be able to hurt you, which means he should have known better.”
I wrinkle my nose at her words, not at all liking the truth to them before blowing out a deep breath and starting. “He, uh.” Reminding myself that she’s very open-minded, I look up and hurry out. “He got caught with some girl in the middle of the night at school.”
She gives me a single blink. “I see.”
“Last night,” I add as an afterthought.
“And you and this boy were…” She trails off purposefully.
“I don’t know.” I shrug helplessly. “That’s the thing. We were friends, I guess, but there was more to it.” My brows fall at that. “Or at least I—”
“No, no,” she quickly interrupts. “Don’t go second-guessing yourself. The boy sent a present home with you. There was definitely more going on with it all.”
Her quick assessment has my face pinching up all over again, looking to her for answers that I just can’t wrap my mind around. “Then what happened?”
“I wish I knew.” She smiles sadly. “I wish I could fix it all for you, but all I can say is that people are…” A deep sigh leaves her, carrying the rest. “Complex.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m aware, Mother.”
“Don’t sass me.” She reaches up to pinch my cheek playfully. “I’m just saying you never know someone else’s reality. Never know what’s driving them to extremes as I suspect happened with your boy last night.”
“So you’re saying I should forgive him?” I retort, liking the idea about as much as her “your boy” comment.
“Absolutely not.” She scowls sharply. “I’m just saying that people can be tricky, but don’t let one bad apple ruin the whole bunch for you.” Her hand starts up some soothing circles on my back before she mentions casually, “Ollie said the boy was smitten with you.”
I narrow my eyes at her, instantly correcting. “I think messy is a better word for him.”
“Messy can be fun.” Her brows lift with a small shrug. “Not this one, or maybe just not now, obviously, but don’t let it ruin future messes for you. They’re something of a right of passage, darling.”
I fold my arms on the counter, laying my head on them and giving in to her comfort. “I don’t know where to go from here.”
“Well,” she sighs. “Today, back to the living room to pester your brother and let me in on whatever the joke is behind that wedding planner, and from there…” Her voice fades before she pats my back while finishing. “Back to school in a couple of weeks.”
“Ugh.”
“I know, one day at a time.” She laughs quietly. “But that pain in your heart will fade, I promise, it always does. You’ll find new boys to flirt with, and one day you’ll be able to look back without the ache being quite so sharp.”
I turn my head to the side, looking up at her dubiously. “What am I supposed to do when I see him again?”
“Oh, well, that’s simple.” She waves a hand in the air. “The only thing you have to do is act like he doesn’t exist.”
“That might be a little hard.” I snort. “He is Ollie’s roommate.”
“Not forever, just for now.” Her eyes drift toward the front of the house with a spark in them. “Until you’re ready and he proves himself worthy of a conversation about it all.”
“Right,” I agree uneasily.
“You hold all the power, Ophelia.” She rubs my back again. “Always. Never forget that.”
I hold onto her words all through the rest of the day, keeping them close like they’re a physical thing and reassuring myself with them when I need to.
Reminding myself of them again and again.
Eventually grabbing my phone before crawling into Ollie’s bed that night and waiting until he’s asleep to scroll through all my notifications. Finally messaging Marley back that I’m okay and telling Graham that he doesn’t need to place a lifetime ban on him from the Ruins because apparently this scandal is school-wide.
It’s not until I’ve gathered every bit of strength in me that I finally look at the one message thread left. Finding two simple words to the first one there that are just plain inadequate.
