Page 128 of The Casualty of Us
“I fucked up,” he starts tentatively, lines of his face echoing eyes that are still full of worry. “But Ophelia, you can’t ask me to sit by and watch you get yourself killed.”
I frown, immediately arguing. “I’m not going to—”
“Sure.” He cuts me off with a snort. “You don’t think you’re going to get yourself killed, but…” A deep breath leaves him, fingers squeezing around mine. “Nothing exists in creation that’s infallible, you taught me that, baby sister.”
I pause, a scowl settling into my brow. “You’re not allowed to use my own words against me. It’s not fair.”
“Please, O,” he openly begs. “You’d never sit by and watch me do something stupid enough to get myself killed, so don’t ask me to do that.”
And he’s right. I never would, not in a million years.
I’d walk to the nearest crossroads and summon up hell itself to stop that.
Sign my soul away without a second thought.
But that’s because Ollie deserves it. Even when he’s being an asshole…it’s still innate in him. That sense of consciousness. He got it all while I sucked up whatever mental genes were leftover, I think.
Hayes is the same way to an extent, the only difference being his was warped in the fire a little. Giving that core of goodness a little swirl of smoke and shadows.
But at the end of the day…their pangolins are built in.
It’s not a choice for them.
Mine isn’t.
“Okay,” I sigh deeply. “I’m not saying I’ll let it go, but…” Hating that I’m fixing us like this but not wanting to risk sliding back with him either. Not today. “I’ll try to keep my distance, I guess.”
And it’s nottechnicallya lie.
But his gaze stays on mine, a fear there I’ve seen reflecting in the mirror all too often as he pleads. “Don’t do that to me, Ophelia.” His voice comes out a little choppy as he pushes. “I know you’re keeping things from me, but don’t make me live without my baby sister. Promise me you’ll come to me from now on.”
I pause, the ache in my eyes reaching for my head and heart at the same time, and I know that I can’t deny him that anymore than I can myself. “Promise.”
Telling myself that I’ll be able to weigh the risks if things progress and do just that. Hoping I’m not lying to both of usnow. But the only step up from Jack in my life, as far as targets go, is friends and family, and…I can’t let that happen. Not again.
I choose me even if no one else will.
“Good.” He holds my gaze for another beat like he’s searching for something more before a heavy breath leaves him. “So did you like your birthday gift?”
I frown. “What gift?”
“Hayes.” He lifts his other hand to boop the tip of my nose before propping his head up in it. “Duh.”
“You didn’t gift him to me.” I scowl, some underlying tension I hadn’t even noticed seeping out of me as that synchronicity starts to flow between us again. “I drunk dialed him, and he thought an appropriate reaction to that was to fly halfway across the world.”
“Yeah, but…” His face falls a bit before he clears his throat nervously. “I told him where you were. That I thought you missed him.”
“I know.” I squeeze his hand in thanks, and he pauses before tacking on in a very uncasual way.
“Which I hope I was right about.”
“You were,” I snort, knowing that I don’t sound entirely happy about it but not wanting to hide anything more with him. “I did miss him.”
“Then…what?” he prods gently. “What is it?”
“I can’t let him go.” I whisper the confession with a tear slipping free that has panic igniting in his eyes which is probably matching mine, honestly. “I can’t let him go, Ollie.”
“It’s okay,” He squeezes my hand quickly, dropping his arm to bundle me back up as his voice quiets seriously. “I swear, it’s okay. I don’t care. If you want to be with him then be with him.”
