Page 37 of Yours to Ho Ho Hold
“Holly, you have a bright future ahead of you, and your mother and I saw helping you as a worthwhile investment, not a gamble.” My dad huffs a laugh. “Honey, we are so proud of you, and you don’t owe us anything. All we want is to see you happy, to follow your heart, and hell, we just want front seat tickets to watch you make all your dreams come true.”
I wipe my puffy eyes with the sleeve of my sweater, feeling a mix of confusion and relief swirling in my stomach. “I know you say that because you’re both so kind, but I stole your entire retirement savings. You had to win a vacation from a podcast, and now you can’t afford the cabin you always dreamed of retiring in.”
“I’ll have you know I manifested this vacation, and if I want a cabin on the lake, I’ll manifest that, too. My dreams don’t exist within the limits of cynical thinking, sweet girl, and I’m sorry you ever felt burdened by that. Your father and I are living our dream life. We’re happy, and we have everything we could ever need. The only thing missing is for us to see you reach for the things that will make you happy, too.”
She sighs and grows quiet for a moment before adding, “Listen, Holly, we didn’t want to tell you this over the phone, but your father and I have had a lot of time to reflect, and we think it’s time we have a little intervention.”
“Intervention?” I clutch the phone tighter feeling my stomach drop.
“Since we’re being honest with each other, the reason we opted to go on the cruise over Christmas is …”
“You’re kind of a fun-sucker, and it’s pretty hard to watch,” my dad interrupts.
I suck in a shocked breath, my leaking eyes suddenly drying. I blink back my confusion as I try to process what my father said.
“And we didn’t want to spend another Christmas watching you wallow and work yourself to the bones being underpaid and underappreciated. So, we thought we’d get away and actually enjoy ourselves.”
“We hoped the time alone would do you some good. Maybe you’d realize you hate your job and wake up,” My dad adds.
I blink several times, my mouth dry as I try to follow their confession. “You … you … wanted to get away from me?”
“We just needed a little break. We love you so much, you have to know that, but it’s hard watching you work so hard at a job you hate. Every day, your father and I hoped you’d come home and tell us you quit, that you wanted to try another shot at the bookstore you always dreamed of.”
I open my mouth to speak, but the words don’t come out.
“Do you know how heartbreaking it is to see your only child’s spirit break? We hoped it was only temporary. That’s why we offered you the money, hoping it’d help you get back on your feet faster, so you could try again without that shitstain bleeding you dry with unnecessary debt.”
“You … wanted me to try again?”
“Of course, we did, sweetheart. It was your dream. You’ve only been talking about it since you were ten when I brought you to your first privately-owned bookstore. You’ve been obsessed with the idea, and your father and I have always known you had what it takes to make it work. I’ve never met anyone as hardworking or determined as you, Holly girl. I just hate that one little bump had you believing you couldn’t do it.”
One little bump …The gigantic, life-altering, monumental fuck up that haunts me every single day … and my mom just referred to it as a little bump …
The wheels in my brain start to spin as I desperately try to catch up, realizing we’ve been looking at the same problem in two completely different ways for years.
“Mom, I had no idea—”
“Listen, Holly, you know your father and I love you, and we’ll support you no matter what, but we just want to see you thriving again, so if the bookstore isn’t your dream anymore, that’s okay. But you’ve got to find something that lights you up inside. What’s the point of living through all the pain and heartache that comes along with this human existence otherwise?”
Holy shit. All this time, I’ve been torturing myself trying to make up for my mistake only to realize my parents never saw my failed business as a mistake at all. The real mistake was giving up and never trying again.
“I still want to do the bookstore,” I blurt out all at once. “I still want to do it, and I have all these big ideas I’ve been dreaming about ever since I closed those doors. I have the money to get started, but I was saving it because I wanted to pay you back.”
“Oh, Holly, honey, I don’t think you could give your father and I a better Christmas gift than hearing that excitement in your voice. We don’t want your money. We just want to see you chasing your dream and really living your life again. That’s all a parent really wants.”
“I love you both so much, and I can’t wait to see you when you get back. I can’t wait to hear all about your trip, but I need to go.”
“Please tell me this has something to do with the new friend you mentioned,” my mom croons.
“His name is Drew, and he’s so much more than a friend. At least he was until about two hours ago.” I glance at the time on my phone. “I hope I didn’t ruin my chances with him by being too stupid to see it.”
“Now, Holly, have you learned anything from me at all? Miracles happen all the time at Christmas so long as you’re looking for them. Now, go! And send me a picture.”
“Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. I love you both!” I say before hanging up the phone.
I rush to the bathroom and survey the wreckage, smoothing down my wild hair and dabbing a little concealer under my eyes. But when I go to grab my lip gloss, I realize my purse is missing.
I was in such a hurry to get away from him, I must’ve forgot it in his car. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for a ride without a wallet, but I have to try. I owe us both that much.
