Page 36 of Yours to Ho Ho Hold
“Holly, are you sure you aren’t feeling down? Are you sitting in your apartment all alone tonight? Please tell me you didn’t sit at home all day? Did you at least watch your favorite Christmas movies? Or bake those chocolate peppermint cookies you love so much?”
“Ask her if she’s been taking the vitamin D I brought her. Maybe her levels are getting low again. You know she doesn’t get outside enough working all those long hours,” my dad says in the background.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yeah, dad, I’ve been taking the vitamins.”
“I knew we shouldn’t have left you alone. Let me see if I can cancel our whale sighting excursion tomorrow. I’ll see if there’s a flight first thing in the morning.”
“No. Mom. Don’t cancel anything. You and dad deserve this vacation. You’ve been dreaming of it ever since you got married,” I blurt, cutting her off. “Besides, I’m… I’m not just sitting in my apartment alone. I’m actually at the beach. I … uh … I met up with a friend and spent the day with his family. It was nice.”
My mom sucks in a gasp of surprise. “Really? That’s wonderful. When did you make a friend? This is the first time you’ve mentioned him. Is he a new friend?”
“Holly has a friend?” my dad yells in the background.
“That’s what she just said,” my mother answers.
Okay, so I may have gone a little far mentioning Drew and his family. That’s going to be fun to undo. They’ll be asking about my friend for the next ten years if I don’t shut this down right now.
“He’s more of an acquaintance than a friend, I don’t think it’s going to be a thing, but I had a nice Christmas. I don’t want you to worry about me, just enjoy your trip. You guys deserve that much.”
I let out a sigh, relieved to have that part over with, but I should know my parents are too nosey, or rather perceptive, when it comes to my life.
“So, how did you end up at the beach? Today of all days? It doesn’t seem like a very festive place to spend your favorite holiday.”
I sigh. I could give her another bullshit excuse about flights being cheap. But that would just prompt her to ask me if I was struggling with money, then they’d offer to cover my rent or help with my electric bill, which would only add another layer of guilt to the heaping pile I already carry around on my back daily.
Should I just come clean, take a page out of Drew’s book, and say it? The thought makes my stomach burn with nervousness, but maybe there’s something to it? I still can’t believe how he just told them what was upsetting him, and they… listened. Then they apologized, and Drew instantly felt better. He didn’t have to carry around the burden of keeping his work a secret.
Be brave, Holly.I can hear his words play back in my mind.
I shake the thought away. I’m not like you, Drew. Our lives are too different.
Do you know why I get the things I want? Because I’m not afraid of asking for them, and right now, what I want more than anything is to kiss you.
Drew’s words play back in my mind, and I feel my spine lengthen as I sit up a little straighter. What if he’s right? What’s the worst that could happen? They could tell me I’ve disappointed them, and then I’d know for sure, but it wouldn’t change the way I already feel about myself, about what I deserve.
I’m so tired of being miserable, tired of working myself to the bone to hit a target I’ll always move because I hold myself to impossible standards. Suddenly, I’m flooded with a momentary burst of borrowed courage, and I know if I don’t speak my piece now, I never will.
“Holly? Honey are you still there?” My mom’s concerned voice pulls me back into the present moment, and I swallow the knot in my throat.
Be brave, Holly.
“Yeah, sorry, I was just …” My voice trails off as I consider my words. “Mom, could you put me on speaker phone?”
“Um, yes. Hold on one second, let me just see how I—”
A moment passes as I hear them shuffling with the phone, and then my dad’s voice comes out louder and crisper. “We’re here, honey. What’s going on?”
I tighten my grip on the phone and squeeze my eyes shut. “I haven’t been honest with you. I didn’t want you to worry while you were on your trip, but … the reason I’m spending Christmas at the beach is because I got fired from my job last Wednesday.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry to hear that!” My mom says at the same time as my dad adds, “Those bastards! What kind of monster fires someone two days before Christmas?!”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—”
“That’s it. We’re coming home. I can’t stand the thought of you being alone right now.”
“No. Mom. Hang on a second, I’m not finished.” I wait for a moment for my mother to settle down before I continue. “I know we don’t really talk about it, never talk about it actually, but I’m so grateful for everything you two have done for me.” I bite my trembling lip, trying to hold back my tears. “And the truth is, I feel so guilty about it, and I feel like such a failure because all I want to do is pay you back. I want to erase the stain of my mistake, but no matter what I do, I feel like I can’t get ahead.” I suck in a sob, the tears freely flowing now.
“Oh, honey, please don’t do that to yourself. Your father and I never want you to feel like you owe us. We helped you because we wanted to see you thrive, and we had the means to do it. We’d never offer you anything if there were strings attached. That’s what makes it a gift, sweetheart.”
