Page 96 of Pretty Please Me
“I’ll see what I can do.”
I end the call with an exhausted sigh and let my head fall back against the seat just as Drew struts out of the bathroom like a new man. Good, at least that’s another stop we can avoid. He climbs in the back and shivers as he buckles his seatbelt. “Now, I’m ready to go.”
Jamie’s backing out of the driveway when my Dad runs out of the house waving his arms. I roll down my window… manually… and stick out my head. “What’s wrong? What’d I forget?”
Dad runs up to the window, panting from his sprint, and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a small red velvet ring case shaped like a heart. I shake my head. “No. Dad, I can’t take that. She would want you to keep that. It’s the only thing you have to remember her by.”
Dad winces as he leans forward holding his side and shakes his head. “No, son.” He gasps and coughs. “She wanted you to have it. It was always going to be for you. I was just waiting for you to bring the right girl home to give it to you.” He shoves the velvet box in my hand.
I tighten my hand around the small box. “You’re sure? You think I should do this?”
My dad laughs and ruffles my hair. “I think you’d be the biggest idiot on the planet if you didn’t—and that’s saying a lot considering you’re sitting in a Red Vine candy-wrapped camper van next to your twenty-five-year-old brother with a permed mullet and a porno-stash…” He nods to Jamie. “I love you, son, but you look like if Tom Seleck and Billy Ray Cyrus had a baby.”
“Thanks, Dad! Love you, too!” Jamie yells a little louder than necessary. He put the van in reverse and begins backing out of the driveway. “Who’s ready for an old-fashioned Jordan family cross-country road trip? We’ve got plenty of food and drinks and bottles to pee in. What more do three brothers need?”
Before I can respond, he turns on the stereo, and the song “Stacy’s Mom” blares through the speakers. Drew and Jamie sing along, playing air drums and guitar like a modern-day Wayne and Garth.
I sink lower in my seat as my anxiety builds. What if I don’t make it in time? What if I’m already too late?
I can’t control what happens next, which scares the shit out of me. All I can do is try to beat her before she reaches her destination.
* * *
“Will you pass me some gravy for my mashed potatoes?” Jamie calls to Drew in the backseat, who’s sitting cross-legged in the back, heating Christmas Eve dinner on an electric stovetop. Charlotte hated the idea of us missing her big dinner, so she whipped up a few to-go containers and sent us on the way with whatever else she could grab from the fridge.
“I’m going as fast as I can! I’ve still got to finish heating the mac and cheese, and the dressing is next in the queue. I asked you if you wanted gravy earlier, and you said ‘no,’ so you’ll just have to wait like the rest of us,” Drew calls before tossing two dinner rolls to us in the front.
In my wildest dreams, I don’t think I could’ve imagined a more ridiculous road trip if I tried. We’re driving nonstop, trying to turn a twenty-seven-hour drive into twenty-four in a Red Vine candy-wrapped van from the 1990s, eating Christmas dinner…
We’ve only been on the road for five hours, and I don’t know how much more I can take.
“Could you give me a little more sparkling cider?” Jamie asks as he reaches behind him to pass Drew his glass.
Yes. His glass. These two idiots have real dishes in this shitty camper van because, and I quote, ‘plastic bottles and paper plates are terrible for the environment.’ If I weren’t absolutely desperate for their help, I wouldn’t be sitting here, but since time is not on my side, I have no choice but to endure it.
Drew passes the refilled glass of sparkling cider back to Jamie, who slurps a sip. “Ah! Refreshing. Don’t lose that bottle, Drew. I’m going to need to whizz in it before too long.”
* * *
We drive all night long in that van, and just like Jamie promised, we only stop for gas. The sun’s coming up, and it’s Christmas morning. I look over at my brothers, both of whom are snoring, sleeping like babies. It’s pretty cool to see how much they’ve grown since they were little and I was still at home taking care of them. They’re so different now, but also strangely the same. It’s like I knew they’d turn out just as they have. I’m not surprised by any of this in the least bit… and I also know they’ve both got a long way to go before they’re done growing into the men they’ll eventually become. I can see that future potential for them, and it makes my big brother's heart swell with pride.
Last night, Benjamin sent me the license plate number and the location of where they stayed overnight, along with their itinerary for today. I glance at the clock. We’re only two hours away. Now, we just have to stick to the route—which Benjamin was also able to give me—and catch them before they go through those gates.
I tighten my grip on the steering wheel, fueled with renewed determination and a sprinkle of delusional hope. It’s all I’ve got right now, so I’m clinging to it. Everything about this is out of my comfort zone, yet somehow, it feels perfectly right.
Falling in love feels like pure terror, like when you’re at the very top of the rollercoaster, staring down at the first big drop. Or when bungee jumping, and you look down from the bridge just before you dive off. The fall is scary and feels out of control, but the rush you get after it is like nothing else in the world.
All of this time, I was scared of feeling out of control. I didn’t even realize that feeling is what makes life worth living. What’s the point of any of it if you don’t have love?
I rehearse what I want to say over and over in my mind as I close the distance between us.
“Shouldn’t we have caught up to them by now? What if Benjamin was wrong and we’re too late?” I swipe my credit card and pay for the gas, so Jamie can fill up. It’s the least I can do to cover his gas. I fully intend to replace his tires, too, before he makes the trip home.
Jamie sets the pump and leans against the van, pulling his coat tighter to block the wind. “Dude, just chill. It’s all going to work out. You’ll see. Look around, how can today go any less than perfect? We’re practically inside a snow globe.”
Jamie’s always been the optimistic one in the family. He’s the only one of us who inherited that particular trait from our mother. I used to think he was naïve, always looking on the bright side of things, but now, I envy him. How much time have I wasted because I was too stubborn to see an alternate solution?
Things aren’t always black and white, Sam. The magic happens in all the colors in between.
