Page 58 of Wild for You
“And you’re sure where you’re going?” I ask him again, for the millionth time.
“Yes … well … hopefully. I think I have a general idea of where we’ve landed, but I can’t know for sure.” He pulls away, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. “I need you to keep your head straight and take care of yourself. Try not to worry about me.”
I notice he’s rigged up a stand for his camera, “Are you seriously still worried about content at a time like this?”
“Something like that.” He pulls me closer to him, and my body shakes with nervousness. “Keep the well full of drinking water, and don’t forget to boil it,” he commands. “And remember, when you’re fishing, you need to head back before dusk just in case you get caught up.”
I nod my understanding.
“You’ve got the torches I made you for signaling, right? And don’t forget this.” He places the flare gun in my hand, and I carefully wrap my fingers around it, reminded of just how stupid I was last time I held it.
I won’t make the same mistake again.
“Make sure to keep a lookout for any aircraft and use this if you see something close enough. Just like we practiced.”
I nod again and roll my eyes.
“Don’t let the torches get wet. Keep them in the cavern.”
“Yes. I know.” I purse my lips together to keep from crying because I know this is goodbye.
“I love you. Keep yourself safe, and don’t do anything dangerous.” He grips my shoulders and stares into my eyes. “I will come back for you. I need you to be strong and take care of yourself, okay?”
“I love you, too.” Hot tears wet my cheeks, and I don’t try to wipe them away. “Now go get on your damnCastaway-raft and save our lives.”
“I will come back for you,” he promises, and his mouth crashes into mine with a whole new emotion; it’s not love or lust or anything in between; it feels more like a goodbye, and my chest aches as I take him in, loving him with everything I have to give. If he’s the last person I ever touch, ever kiss, then I can live with that.
We finally find the strength to break away from each other, or rather, Jack does, and I watch him step on his shoddy raft and set sail into the wide unknown ocean. I wave goodbye, and when he’s finally out of sight, I fall to my knees and let myself fall apart. I cry and heave. I wail and plead and beg, but he’s gone, and now, all I can do is hope that he’ll come back to me. Though hope isn’t my strongest virtue, I’m learning.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX
Jack
“Hey,Dubbies. I’ve gotten myself into some new shit I’ve never experienced before, and I’m not even going to try to pretend I know what I’m doing,” I say to the camera securely fastened at the front of my raft.
I’m down to my very last battery, and it’s only got a half-life, so I make my message quick. “I’ve just set out to find help, and I’m not going to lie, I’m fucking terrified. The water’s choppier than I expected, and I’ve only got enough food to last me a week, and that’s if I eat a half ration. My water supply isn’t looking good either, so as much as I hate rainstorms, I’m going to have to do a rain dance or something before long. So far, all I can see is blue water in every direction.” Gesturing to my watch, I continue, “Thanks to this guy, at least I know I’m headed west, which is what I think is the right direction. Hell, at this point, I just need to find land. It doesn’t matter where I find it. I’m signing off. Have to save my battery for when I have something to update you on. Bye for now.”
I click the camera off and shove it back into my waterproof backpack, which I’ve got strapped to my back like it’s my lifeline. It is, really. Everything I need to survive is in this bag, including all the priceless footage I’ve taken. I can’t risk losing it, and at least it’ll act as a floatation device if shit gets really bad. I tighten my grip on the oars and adjust my pathetic excuse for a sail.Just stay west,I tell myself, unsure if it’s a prayer or a reminder, but it’s the only mantra I have to keep going.
* * *
It’s beentwo days at sea, and the sun’s scorching rays burn my tanned skin, but I don’t even mind. It’s a nice reminder that I’m alive. A refreshing breeze blows every now and then, kissing my sun-scorched skin and providing me with a refreshing break from the heat. I breathe a sigh of relief as I check my watch to make sure I haven’t gotten turned around. Last night was rough, and I’m exhausted from paddling. I was only able to catch a few broken hours of sleep, and I’m starting to feel delusional. Maybe it’s the sun or the dehydration, or maybe I’m finally losing my mind, but when my eye catches something massive in the distance, I stand to my feet to get a better look.
Is that a—no, it can’t be. I paddle furiously to get a better look, my muscles aching with every push and pull through the dense waves, and I’m actually making some headway. I yank off my backpack to retrieve my binoculars, and my suspicions are confirmed when the enormous tail of a blue whale appears right in front of me. Excitement rips through me in a burst, and I decide this is definitely film-worthy. I’m giddy now, pulling the camera out of my bag and positioning it so that the whale’s in the frame behind me. I don’t know what to say as my small raft floats closer and closer, and when a second whale comes into view, it takes everything I have not to fall off completely. I tell the camera what I’m seeing and how rare it is to see not one but two of these massive creatures.
Here I am, all alone in the middle of the ocean seeing animals I never dreamed I’d encounter up close and personal. For a moment, I question whether or not I’ve actually died and this is some out-of-body experience before I transcend the other side. But when the raft floats close enough to the animal that I can reach out and touch its side, I feel like it’s the universe’s way of telling me I’m going to make it.
I can’t help myself as I extend my hand, gently touching the slick wet flesh of the largest creature known to man.
“There’s a big world out there, Dubbies. I hope you’re able to see this footage. Fuck, I hope you can see this.” I pet the animal again as I struggle with what to say to capture the magic of this moment. “I’m scared to death right now, and I don’t know if I’m going to make it out of here alive, but if you’re watching, just know that I gave this life all I could. I took chances, and I lived. It didn’t always make sense, and sometimes, I was a little too reckless—hell, I’m on a fucking raft in the middle of the Caribbean right now. But if this experience doesn’t kill me, then I know there’s nothing I can’t do. I hope you find your passion in life and follow it. I can promise you the waters may be rough, but the universe will reward you with the most amazing moments in between, and these moments are what make it all worth it.”
I’m crying now, and I know my message isn’t just about the whale. I think of Gwen and the short time we shared in paradise, and even if our time is over, I know I gave her all of me. I just can’t give up on her because I don’t know if she feels the same. There’s so much left she wants to do with her work and dreams, and everything comes down to this. I’m carrying the rest of her life on my shoulders, and I won’t give up even if it means I die trying.
I put my camera away and thank the universe for the renewed strength; something tells me I’m going to need it.
For now, I’ll take advantage of the peaceful waters and rest while I can.
* * *
