Page 1 of Role Play
Ash
Iwas born a daredevil. Always the risk-taker, I exited the womb so fast, the doctor only just barely caught me as I shot out of my mom’s vagina like some sort of infant EvelKnievel.
Needless to say, not much rattles me in life. Not when I challenged the largest kid in fifth grade to an arm wrestling match. Not when I was caught cheating on my PSATs. Hell, I wasn’t even rattled when my sister walked in on me beating my meat in the bathroom while flipping through her Seventeenmagazine.
So why the hell was I sweating like a pig in a bacon factory the first week of directing my first major motionpicture?
I rushed down the halls of Silhouette Studios, sweat pushing out of my pores and dripping down the sides of my face. The headset encasing my ears bounced off my jaw with each heavy-footed step, and the clipboard tucked under my arm was quickly becomingsaturated.
We were only a week into filming this movie, and already I was in over myhead.
I briefly squeezed my eyes shut, taking a breath.No,I told myself.I've got this.The second I started doubting, started believing the whispers of insecurity and pessimism, Hollywood would swallow mewhole.
My cell phone was practically affixed to my palm, and I was constantly checking updates and communicating with myexecutives.
Around me, the lights were on full blast and hotter than the goddamn Los Angeles sun at the beach. This movie was my baby. I had directed at least a dozen movies already in my career—but none like this. My reel consisted of college-aged comedians getting high and doing stupid shit. This script was different. I knew it from the moment it landed on my desk; from the moment I flipped open the first page. A BDSM introspection that representedme. My kink. My lifestyle. I had to do it justice. Not only for the sake of my community, but for me. Because a film like this? It could make my career if I did itright.
“If you can keep your dick in your pants,”my boss, and the president of Silhouette Studios, Richard Blair, had joked. That booming voice resonated in my head like a snare drum. Okay, yeah. I had a reputation… but it wasn’t that bad, was it? Sometimes I hook up in the old-fashioned way… meet a girl at a party, go to her place, bang one out vanilla-style. Sometimes, I meet a submissive at LnS or go the professional route with Eve, a career submissive. I just like sex. No matter how it comes to me… though if I was being honest, I prefer being a Dom. Leaving marks on her skin and hearing her cries, trying to decide which are cries of pain and which are cries ofpleasure.
But according to Richard and Jude, the way I was fucking my way through Hollywood had to stop. Rich nearly shat himself when he learned that I had hooked up with our costume designer at a party—I think her name was Callie. Or was it Katie? Shit. In my defense, I met herbeforethe movie was in pre-production and I had no clue we’d be working together at all, let alone this soonafter.
“Ash, I need to see you in my office,” Richard’s voice boomed within myearpiece.
My eyes adjusted to the blue backlit numbers on my phone. Was it already eight-thirty a.m.? I needed to get the lead out of my ass. I’d been up since four, and on set since five a.m. almost every day this week. We were not only shooting today and tomorrow, but we were also prepping for Sunday’s shoot—the sexiest scene of the movie. When I was done with it, Jude and Marlena would go down in sex scene history with Sharon Stone and MichaelDouglas.
Sunday was a closed set to make sure Jude and Marlena were comfortable. It needed to go perfectly. Hell, if I was being honest, I neededeveryday to go smoothly, but if I only had to choose one day out of the three-month schedule to go well? It would be Sunday.If this film earned Silhouette Studios an Oscar nod, Richard would have to consider me for other more serious movies. Even with my best friend, Jude, on my side, I had only ever managed to assistant direct the serious films, being looked over time and timeagain.
Untilnow.
I hit the rubbery button on my headset. “Sure thing, Rich. I’ll be there in aminute.”
“Make it thirtyseconds.”
I all but ran down the corridor to Richard’s corner office with the view of Hollywood hills. When the CEO of your production studio asks you to be quick… you haul ass. With a light knock, I opened the door and slipped inside. “Rich,” I said, finding my boss sitting at the large mahogany desk watching yesterday’s scene on his monitor. Jude was standing over his shoulder, already dressed in his costume and makeup, his eyes lifting from the monitor to look at me as I entered. They both looked tired, but Richard more than usual. Though he was older than me at forty, the lines on his face seemed deeper today, and he wasn’t smiling and offering to pour me a scotch like he usuallydid.
“Come on in,” Rich said, pausing the footage. “And shut the door behindyou.”
Uh oh. This wasn’t good. I did as I was told and slid into the seat opposite Richard as Jude circled around to the other side of the desk and lowered into the armchair beside me. “What’s going on?” I didn’t often feel nervous, but right now, with Richard’s glare not faltering from the monitor… I squirmed in my seat like a schoolboy being sent to the damn principal’soffice.
“I called you and Jude in here because I’ve been reviewing last week’s shots. And… they’re lacking a bit of nuance in myopinion.”
The air punched out of my gut. In hisopinion? What fucking opinion was that? My hands balled into fists, my chest tightening painfully. Everyone on the crew had been working tirelessly—nonstop—for three months in pre-production. Those shots were gorgeous. The script wasperfect.
I paused, gripping the small wedding band that barely fit around my pinky. Hammered white gold. Classy. Understated. Just like Brie had been. Emotion clogged my throat, and I had to swallow twice before it dislodged. Five years. Had it already been that long? It felt like a lifetime, and yet, also like it was only yesterday that we were lying on the couch together watchingFriendsreruns as she threaded her fingers through myhair.
I released my hold on her wedding band, pulling my attention back to the here and now.Here. On the lot of Silhouette Studios directing my biggest film yet.Now. Brie was gone.Here. Surrounded by my crew and employees.Now. I wore her wedding band as a constant reminder of the woman Ilost.
Now... I was miserable.Five years and I was still as miserable as the day shedied.
Deep breaths, baby, Brie would have whispered if she’d been here. She would have squeezed my knee to calm me down. Yeah, she still talked to me. Every day—several times a day—like a fucking lunatic, I still heard hervoice.
I listened to her words deep in the back of my mind and dragged a shaky breath through my tight lips. Every day it felt like her voice was growing further and further away. Each morning, I was forgetting something so minor, so small—the way her voice would be rough in the morning before coffee, or how it would crack when she tried to sing karaoke—and with each fading memory, she was slipping further and further away fromme.
Which only pissed me offmore.
“Some of the problem lies in the script, but I think there’s been a slight misinterpretation of it, too.” Even though Jude was voicing a criticism of my direction, I was thankful for the disruption as I was about to wander down memory lane. For some people, it was paved in candied, sweet memories. For me? It was dirty, bumpy, and I was bound to get lost there in the twisting, windingdarkness.
“Meaning… I’m misinterpreting the script? How so? We chose these shots together. We developed these storyboards together.” I had to calm down. These sorts of meetings were part of what directing was. I forced my balled fists to uncurl—even if I didn’t agree with my boss, I had to remain professional. One of the best things to ever come from Brie, and my position as a Dom, was that I learned to control my temper in work situations. My temper wasn’t an issue in the bedroom. But on set with employees? It was one of my biggest faults. I took a deep breath and tried again. “I understand that the first week’s shots may not be perfect, but we can adjust them in post-production—”
