Page 97 of Role Play
We sat in silence, Lucy in my lap, for what felt like a long time. But truthfully, it could have been five minutes or forty-five for all I knew. I didn’t bother asking her what her secret was. Me sharing mine wasn’t tit for tat. She owed me nothing inreturn.
Finally, she said. “Why do I like this so much? The pain? The submission? Is it because of my dad and myhistory—”
“Hey,” I caught her chin between my fingers and angled her brown gaze tomine.
I swallowed hard and stared into Lucy's wet, red-rimmed eyes. “I can’t answer that for you. I don’t know why any of us are how we are. I connected to this lifestyle with Brie. I had two parents who were madly in love and never raised their voices to each other, let alone a hand. Brie’s parents were strict, but loving.” I felt my voice catch in my throat. At one time, I was healthy and happy in this lifestyle. At one time, I did this for all the right reasons. Because of Lucy, I felt like I was finding my way back to that. The well-adjusted man who enjoyed kink. Not the depressed widower looking to ease his inner pain. “You have to figure out your reasons why. No one else can do that for you. But what I can tell you… you arenotbroken because of it. Maybe the why doesn’t even matter. As long as you are enjoying it. And it’s safe. Andconsensual.”
Her hand stilled over mine and the little circles she’d been tracing over my skin stopped. “It turns me on so much.Youturn me on so much. I want to understand why. I can’t help it… I’m bookish,” she laughed. “With everything you’ve shown me so far… I want more. If anything, I just find it scary how much I want it.” Her brown eyes smoldered like smoke coming off firewood, and her gaze traveled over my face, studying me. From my eyes up to my forehead and nose, I watched her watch me. Admire me. Accept me.“How much I wantyou. I don’t think it’s just the lifestyle. I think it’s you andyourparticular Dominance… ” She blinked slowly, then pointedly whispered. “Sir.”
A pleasured shudder rolled down my spine and my mouth curved. Was this what Richard was referring to when he mentioned the breakthrough moment? Because this wasn’t what I had pictured. It wasn’t like breaking a wild horse. It was connecting. It was finding a woman whose passion and kink fit perfectly into my style of sexuality. And it was what Brie must have experienced when I, myself, finally understood thelifestyle.
I blinked back the burning tears that sprang to my eyes. I was understanding my late wife in a whole new way, and my heart was aching. Like fresh stitches that were still so raw and painful, but you also knew that they were healing the skin beneath. It was like she was here with us, giving her blessing. My nose burned with the tears. Lucy had no idea the gift she just gave me. She had no idea the moment of relief and heartbreak andacceptance.
I glanced down at Brie’s ring, a single tear dropping from my eye and landing on the hammered gold that I twisted around my pinkyfinger.
Glancing up, I opened my mouth to tell Lucy more about Brie. To tell her everything. How Brie died. Why she committed suicide. How we met. Where I proposed, when Iproposed.
Lucy pressed her fingers to my mouth and a single tear rolled down hercheek.
“I see it in your face,” she whispered. “Something shifted. But whatever just happened here,” she brushed her fingertips to my forehead. “And in here,” she moved those fingers to my breastbone, right above where my heart slammed against her palm. “Keep it between you and Brie for now. I want to know everything eventually. But right now? This moment is meant for youtwo.”
She brushed her fingers over where my hands were clasping Brie’s ring on my pinky finger and for the first time in ages, the gold felt warm, notchilled.
“How did youknow—”
“When someone’s been burned, you can smell smoke,” shewhispered.
I’ve heard that before. That phrase. Richard said it to me once and I’ve been using it eversince.
But my thoughts were quickly diverted as Lucy ran her fingers down the back of my neck. The pressure was barely there and yet, it had every centimeter of flesh burning a path of excitement and nerves with thatpressure.
Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, I kissed her, my lips gliding over hers. Even though I was the Dominant, she was claiming me. Owning me. No matter if I was the one doing the spanking or not, I was a goner. My heart belonged to her now and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. Nor did I want to. A piece of my heart would always be with Brie, but loving Lucy didn't make my love for Brie any less potent. She was the whole reason I could love Lucy, too. Without Brie, I never could have been there for Lucy how she needed me to be. Brie would always be a part of thisrelationship.
Standing, I took her in my arms, cradling her like we were walking across the threshold. She squealed and giggled as I moved across the room, my lips still latched tohers.
“Where are we going?” she asked, panting against mylips.
“My room. We need moreprivacy.”
“Mr. Livingston, are you worried about having to shareme?”
A growl vibrated at the back of my throat before I could even stop it. The very thought of another man having her had animal-like instincts taking hold of mybody.
She chuckled. “Isn’t it obvious by now?” Lucy asked, nipping at the base of my neck. Then, whispering in my ear, she whispered, “I’myours.”
