Page 115 of Role Play
Ash
Iclosed in on her. This wasn’t how I wanted this to go down. But it was clear I was losing her. Clear that she was about to walk out on me without a proper explanation, and I couldn’t let that happen. I wanted the truth to come from her beautiful, plump mouth. I wanted her to trust me enough to confide in me. If this was really going to happen—if she was truly going to be my partner and enter this lifestyle in the way she seemed curious about it—trust waskey.
You’re a hypocrite. I swallowed the whispers of doubt down, ignoringthem.
I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but goddammit, I had to try. She didn’t deserve what I had said to her earlier. It was hurtful. Uncalled for. And I was so, so sorry for it that I ached—actually ached—in mygut.
Calling her by her full name seemed to work. She stopped in her tracks, spinning back to face me. “What did you callme?”
“Luciana Blair Rodriguez,” I said. “I’m sorry for saying that you were sleeping your way to the top. It was terrible of me. And it couldn’t be farther from thetruth.”
She swallowed hard, those dark eyes glittering as they lifted and met mine. “And you know thetruth?”
“I know what some general internet search allows me to know.” Her face dropped when I admitted that. Her jaw slackening and her skin paling to a creamy whitecomplexion.
“You Googledme?”
My throat was dry with guilt, but I swallowed anyway. “Andrea told me to. Your best friend is a hardass. But I’d rather hear it from you. I'd rather hear everything from you.” She didn’t say anything, but broke her eyes away from mine, darting her gaze to the ground. Doubt speared me like an archer’s arrow, piercing my heart. “Lucy,” I whispered, “As far as secrets go… this one isn’t that big a deal.” I should know. I knew all about the twisted, fucked up things people would hide in their closets for their own gain. Forget the skeletons—most of the people who frequented LnS had catacombs in theirclosets.
Doubt continued to twist up through my body, lodging at the base of my throat. I wanted to claim her mouth, body, and soul for my own. Instead of lunging for her and wrapping my arms around hers, I stepped back and forced my hands into mypockets.
She shook her head. “You fuckingGoogledme. All this time, I was waiting for you to open up to me about Brie. Aboutyou. Respecting what you asked of me at the beginning of this ridiculous, sorry excuse for a relationship. I respected your right to privacy and refrained from doing any kind of internet search about you and your wife. And the second you doubted me, you opened up a Google search.” Lifting both hands she shoved at my chest. Hard. But not hard enough to knock me offbalance.
Then, she turned away from me, crossing herarms.
“Your best friendtold meto Google you,” Irepeated.
Lucy snorted. “She isn’t the one you should have gotten permission from. You also could have talked to me. Heard me out when I tried to explain everything. You could have come back to talk to me after what yousaw.”
“Would you have talked to me?” I pressed. “Would you have given me that second chance if it had been reversed? If you had walked into a room where I was cupping another woman’s face and tenderly kissing her?” My fists clenched at the visceral memory. Even though I knew it wasn’t romantic now, at the time, it felt very real. And an intensebetrayal.
“He was tenderly kissing myforehead. Not lips. Forehead.” She spun back around to face me, jaw twitching. “Andyes.I would have given you a chance toexplain.”
“Bullshit. You had your back to me. It didn’t look like he was kissing your forehead. It lookedintimate.”
“When Rich told me that you were given an assignment to train a submissive, I was pissed. But I took a deep breath and made the choice to talk to you.” Her nostrils flared and her glasses slipped a little further down her nose. “What does that say about you, Ash? That a twenty-two-year-old is more fucking mature and relationship savvy thanyouare?”
“You don’t have to tell me what a fuck up I am. I know that already. But I can’t apologize for a Google search that led me back to you. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you more—I should have. I should have known you wouldnever—”
“That’s right,” she interrupted. Her forehead tightened as her eyebrows drew together. “I wouldneverever cheat on you. Not with anyone and especially not with Richard Blair because he’s my uncle.” She held out her hands. “There. You happy? I mean, you already know about mydaddy issues. Must be why you thought I was after a daddy dom, isn’t thatright?”
I cringed, my own words flinging back to pierce intome.
“Uncle Rich is the closest thing to a father that Ihave.”
It only took two steps for me to be in front of her. My hands twisted into the silky threads of her hair, tugging it free from the ponytail. The soft strands slid between my fingers like shreddedsatin.
“Ash,” shecautioned.
I took a deep breath and forced my raging desire to calm down. Instead of slamming my lips over top of hers, I enclosed her in my arms, wrapping them around her small, soft body. I held her in that same way she held me a couple weeks ago in front of her apartment building. Then, whispering in her ear, I said, “I’m sorry.” I would say it a million times if I neededto.
It felt so fucking good, so right, having her there in my arms. Like I was made to comfort and care for her. I was put on this earth to protect Lucy. Except… I hadn’t done all that great of a job sofar.
I felt her swallow hard, the movement pressing into my body. If only I could absorb those nerves for her. Soak up all of her pain like a saturated towel and wring it out. Make her trustme.
“How is it that you have managed to untangle years of messy mistrust in a matter of weeks?” sheasked.
If only she knew. It wasn't fair that she exposed so much of herself to me and I’d barely talked about myself; about Brie. I’d told her some of the truth. But not all of it. My eyes darted down to hers as I pulled back to examine her and from my hold on Lucy, with my hands behind her back, my fingers brushed over the hammered gold of Brie's weddingring.
