Page 79 of Bearing Secrets
Loren sighed. “If I can’t stop you from being a fucking moron and making a huge mistake, then you damn well bet I’m gonna jump in and help you screw it up as royally as possible. That way, after I help you fix it I can tell you I told you so as often as I want.”
Natalia tried to ignore the vitriol in her friend’s voice, but it was impossible. She was truly disappointed in Natalia, and letting it be known.
“How can you say this is a huge mistake? You don’t even know what’s going on.”
Loren fixed her with a bitter stare. “Don’t insult my intelligence just because you’re in a bad mood. It’s easy to see.”
“What’seasy to see?” she snapped, tired of having that line used on her. The Queen had said the same damn thing.
“You like this guy Nat. A lot. But you don’t want to admit it, to yourself, to him, who the hell knows, but you’re scared of actually having feelings, and so you’re running away. You think it’s for the best, but you don’t have any idea what he wants or thinks, because you’re too much of a coward toaskhim. What if he doesn’t care what his family says, and only wants you? Who areyouto deny that from him? That’s his choice, you can’t make that for him.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Screw you. We’ve been best friends for years now. You’re closer to me than my own damn sister. Don’t tell me I don’t understand. I know you’re hiding some stuff, but I’m telling you, if he likes you, if he cares for you enough,it doesn’t matter. You have to learn to accept that.”
“I have to go.”
“Of course, you do. A situation comes up you don’t understand and can’t make sense of, so you run away. Like when you came here in the first place for school.”
“That was alittledifferent. I came here to better myself, to go to better schools.”
“And because you thought it would be better on your mom, because the men would stop coming around, trying to take advantage of you and causing her immense stress. But you never asked your mom howshefelt about you leaving. You did what you thought was best for her, without asking her.”
“You can’t argue that the schools here aren’t better.”
“Perhaps. But the ones in western Europe are just as good for this sort of thing.” Loren crossed her arms, not backing down. “It may not be the exact same, but there are similarities and you know it.”
Natalia didn’t respond. Her best friend was right.
“You need to talk to him, Nat. At a minimum, you need to sit down with him; both of you need to tell one another how you feel and stop acting like teenagers. Just because this happened fast, doesn’t mean it’s not a good thing, or real, okay?” Loren blew out air noisily between her lips. “Seriously, this guy hasn’t even screwed up yet, and you’re already running.”
“I’m not running,” she protested. “I’m doing what the government says I have to do.”
Loren laughed in her face. Harshly. “You can lie to yourself. You can lie to Kirell. But don’t fucking lie to me, okay? It’s not nice, I don’t deserve it.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “You’re right.”
“About what?”
“You don’t deserve to be lied to.”
“What else?” her friend pressed, seizing the advantage they both knew she had.
“I like him. A lot. I’m scared. Okay fuck, all of it, alright? You’re right about every damn bit of it. Fuck.”
Loren quickly slid off the bed to sit beside her, hugging her tightly. “It’s okay, Nat. It’s okay to be scared, to admit it. Hell, why do you think I never settle down with a boy? Because I’m scared, that’s why. I don’t want to develop feelings. That shit’s terrifying. I understand. But from everything you’ve told me, this guy is a real keeper, so I don’t want to see you fuck it up.”
“You think I should give him a shot?”
Loren smiled and lay her head on Natalia’s shoulder. “I think you should give him a hell of a lot more than that. I’ve never seen you talk about a guy like this before, Nat. The way your eyes light up when you talk about him, it’s utterly adorable.”
“Okay,” she said, her voice a ghost of a whisper.
“At least you’re all packed. When you go back to him, you can just say you were moving in all along.”
Natalia groaned. “I amnotgoing to say that, thank you very much.”
Loren laughed, crawling forward on all fours to the dresser where she grabbed the cell phone and shoved it into Natalia’s hands.
