Page 8 of Through Quick and Quinn
Hey,
Stayed home from school again today. Been laying in my bed since I woke up. I don’t even know if Mom and Dad know. They wouldn’t be surprised though, since I have yet to get through an April without going dark.
The nightmares and the flashbacks get really bad this time of year. It makes me not want to sleep, but all I want to do is sleep? Sucks.
-Deck
Love you.
-Deck
04/23/22
2:51 a.m.
I can’t process what I am seeing. I can’t process what I am not seeing either.
Why is his perfect, untouched churro laying on the nasty concrete? Why isn’t he reaching for it? I bend down to grab it. Wait. Where are his feet?
I stand up and look all around me. I turn in circles searching for him, calling out his name. I am annoyed; I am not in the mood to play games. We just wasted over five dollars on a churro and now I am going to have to get back in line to get him another one.
I keep calling his name, shouting for him to come out and bellowing that his hiding game isn’t funny anymore. I am searching high and low, rooted to my spot but rotating around to get a full view.
It starts to get louder. The chatter of the people in line, the cacophony of amusement park rides, the squeals of delight coming from toddlers everywhere. My vision becomes blurry and I feel like my head is spinning as I focus on all the faces that are not of my brother.
That’s when the panic sets in.
Friday, May 27, 2022
Note to self:
That’s a wrap! The first year of high school went by pretty quickly, now that I’m looking back at it. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I don’t mind that I don’t have friends there, although it clearly worries Mom. I enjoyed my classes for the most part, and I think I grew a lot as a person this year. I feel really at peace.
For spending a lot of time outside, it astounds me how long it’s been since I’ve seen a dragonfly. I must not have a big change coming in my life anytime soon.
I’m good with that.
…Q
Friday, July 8, 2022
Note to self:
Happy birthday to me! Mom and Dad tried to make it extra special this year, which I totally appreciated, especially since they can’t relate in the slightest to what they planned for me. They took me to the annual Gem and Mineral Show… so cool! We walked around for hours, visiting all of the different booths and tents there. I was totally blown away by the vastness of it all, and I kept thanking Mom and Dad every chance I got. They didn’t rush me once, and as much as they don’t understand the first thing about crystals, it was clear as day that they support my interest in them.
Ok, best find of the day? Raw shungite!! I can’t wait to start pouring my drinking water over it. It’s supposed to purify the water and destroy viruses and bacteria. The gentleman in the booth told me all about how in 1719, Peter the Great from Russia built a spa resort called “The Marcial Waters” for the rich to take baths in, and the water flowed over raw shungite. Apparently it has healing properties? I had no idea. I learned so much today!
Today was awesome. Honestly, it was exactly what I needed. Actually, it was what all three of us needed. This time of year is so hard for us, especially with the anniversary coming up in two weeks. And while I’m truly proud of us for coming so far in our healing journey, we still have so much left to do. There’s literally a hole in each of our hearts, theirs more so than mine. The void they must suffer is unimaginable to me. It’s all just so sad and heavy, but I have to believe that the universe and the heavens needed Troy to have his angel wings early for whatever reason. I don’t think I’ll ever learn why, but maybe that’s not for me to know.
…Q
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Mandy / 4:11 p.m.
I’m so glad we’re not freshmen anymore!!!!!
Desiree / 4:27 p.m.
