Page 9 of Through Quick and Quinn
right??? some of them are so small! like really, were we that tiny and lame last year lol
one accidentally bumped into me in the hall today and I swear I thought she was going to break in half
4:27 p.m.
omg I would have died laughing
4:27 p.m.
for sure
4:27 p.m.
actually I almost did die laughing at lunch today
4:29 p.m.
oh yeah! right?! wth is wrong with her???
4:30 p.m.
I’m telling you she’s a freak
who else would sit there by herself in the grass, just sitting!?!? what was she even doing?
4:31 p.m.
I don’t even think she moved for like ten minutes
maybe she was doing some weird magic ritual or something
do you think it’s for attention or something
4:32 p.m.
no. she’s just a weirdo
+ + +
Hey,
Happy birthday, bud.
If you’re looking down on us from above and you notice that we don’t talk about you, you have to know it’s not because you were forgotten. It’s not because we don’t love you. We feel your absence every single second. We just can’t bring ourselves to say your name, I guess. Hell, I can’t even write it to you in a letter.
If you’re watching, then you can sense how awkward it still is around here. Are you old enough to understand now what you’re seeing? You’re seeing our mom, popping pills to help her get through each day. Numbing her pain. Devoid of all emotion, even the good ones. You’re seeing blank stares and random syllables of confirmation, as if she’s fooling us that she’s actually a true participant in any conversation.
You’re seeing Dad, but not too much of him, right? Yeah. Because he spends as much time as humanly possible at his office. Anything to not be here, to not see his shell of a wife. And to not see me. The reason that everything went so wrong in his life.
Sometimes I hope that you’re not seeing me.
I feel guilty for every single thought. If you’re watching us from above, that means you’re dead. So of course I want you alive. But what would that life of yours look like? It torments me to even think about. So many possible scenarios, but none of them the right one.
I do wish you were looking right at me, but in person. Right here in my room. We could build a fort just like the good old days. Sneak in a bunch of junk food and play stupid games of flashlight tag. Knock knock jokes. Silly videos of cats and cucumbers. I’d give anything to hear your laugh again.
I miss everything about you. And life sucks without you. School sucks. Home sucks. The world sucks.
I’m sorry.
