Page 59 of Don't Break My Heart
I twist my hands in front of me. For so long I have relied on the pills, they have been my safe place. But even I know they’re just blocking the reality I can’t deal with. And I don’t want to be shackled to anything for the rest of my life.
Chapter 26
Romeohookshisarmwith mine as I walk by. “Time to come and see next door.”
“Not now, Romeo. I have a lot to get done this afternoon.”
His head drops, and I see his confidence faltering for the first time. “You can’t keep blocking me out.”
“Maybe tomorrow,” I tell him, not wanting to get into another fight with him. I don’t have any fight left. After my freak out yesterday where I let it all pour out on the floor of Ricky’s office, I have been a shadow of myself, just trying to keep it together so I can make it through the days at the club. A verbal sparring match with Romeo would tip me over the edge again.
“Okay, tomorrow.” He looks me over, his hand still on my arm. “Have you eaten today?” he asks, and I hear the concern in his voice.
“I have a sandwich in my office.”
“Good. I have lunch in the fridge as well. Let’s eat.”
“I don’t have time right now.” I try to brush him off. Us trapped in my office together is the last thing I need.
His hand slides down my arm, his fingers lacing with mine. “You do, and you need it. Onyx would kill me if he knew you weren’t taking care of yourself in his absence.”
Because I literally have no fight left, I let him guide me back to my office. I take out my sandwich and sit in one of the armchairs, staring at it blankly. “Are you all still living down at the docks together?”
He looks up from his lunch. “Waiting for you to come home when you’re ready.”
“That’s not my home.”
“It could be. Home is wherever you make it. For us, that’s wherever you are, and it’s empty without you, doll face.” His dark eyes flash with a sadness that kills me.
Fuck, I can’t do this. Because I can’t respond, I take a bite of my sandwich. It’s normally a favorite of mine; greens with extra cheese, beetroot relish and aioli, but today, it might as well be cardboard. I eat the entire thing, the silence between us deafening. I want to ask him a truckload of questions, like is Reef okay? What the fuck is Onyx doing now? Has Orlando been successful in ridding this world of his awful brother, and does he miss me as much as I miss him? That question could go for all of them. Pain radiates through my chest even at the thought. But I can’t ask him any of them. I shouldn’t care. And I can’t, if I want to move on with my life.
“They miss you.” He breaks the silence as if he has just read my mind. “We all do.”
A lump gets caught in my throat, and I stand in a rush, not able to look at him. I grab my bag and practically run for the door.
He beats me to it. “Sloane, stop.” His hand comes to my waist, and he pins me to the door.
I shake my head, warning him to stay away.
His head drops to my neck, and he inhales deeply. “Let me take you next door, I think it might help.”
My eyes meet his, and I want to burst into tears, fall apart on his strong shoulder, cry until there is nothing left inside and the painis gone. But I can’t. “I have somewhere I need to be,” I say instead, pulling out of his grip on me and opening the door. He doesn’t chase after me, he lets me go, and I pray to whoever will listen that every day he will try a little less. That eventually he will give up and let me go completely. Because he’s wearing me down, and I’m not sure how much longer I can take us working together so closely before I crack and let him back in.
Iwasn’tlyingwhenI told Romeo I had someplace to be. I did. I pull up at Ravens Hollow police station and find a spot to park. This is one of the last places I want to be, but Ricky says I need to face my fears, so here goes nothing.
I march into the place like I own it. Shoulders back, head held high, faking every bit of confidence I don’t have. The receptionist pushes her glasses back up her nose then visibly flinches when she sees who it is.
“Can I help you, miss?” she asks, a slight quiver to her voice. How on earth is such a timid little mouse holding reception for our local station?
“Tell Commissioner Sedgwick that Sloane Stryker is here to see her.”
“Umm.” She looks over her desktop. “She’s booked out all day, I’m sorry.”
I suck in a breath and fake a smile, losing my calm. “Pick up your phone and call her. She will want to see me,” I snip back, my voice holding a warning.
She swallows hard, and it looks like she’s about to cry.
I blink back at her, wondering what the fuck she’s waiting for. Something in my look must spook her enough that she decides to do as I have asked and picks up the reception phone with shaky hands.
