Page 79 of Between Now and Forever
“Things were great for a year or so,” I say. “And then ... they weren’t.”
“What happened?”
I shrug. “What happens when you’re in a relationship that you never should’ve been in to begin with?”
“Oh, Jay . . .”
“She wanted to get married. And the more she asked, the more demanding it got, and the further I got from wanting to marry her. She guilted me over Izzy—that Izzy called me Dad, and how could I refuse to be a legal family? How could I do that to them?”
Gabrielle covers our hands with her other one. “That’s unfair.”
“She turned into a person I didn’t recognize, and if I’m being honest, I probably wasn’t my best either. There was so much resentment on both our parts. So much bad behavior.” My heart squeezes. “But in the middle of it all was Izzy. A baby girl that I raised from before she could walk.”
I blow out a breath, wanting desperately to stop. But knowing I can’t.
“That kid wasmy kid, Gabrielle. She was my daughter. Her biological father was never in the picture, and I was all she knew. We went fishing together. Played basketball. Had tea parties and watched princess movies.” I fight back a swell of emotion. “Ever seenBeauty and the Beast? It’s a good one.”
Gabrielle lets go of my hand and sits at my side.
“I came home from work one day,” I say, grinding my teeth. “And they were gone.”
She gasps.
“Everything. Gone.”
“Jay.”
“She left a note that she was moving to Oregon with her sister since I had no intentions of making her my wife. And she was changing her number and never to contact her again or she’d call the authorities.”
I stare at the wall across the room.
“I don’t know what to say to that.” Gabrielle pauses. “I’m sorry, Jay.”
I shrug. “Yeah, well, there’s not much to say.”
My heart broke into a thousand messy and angry pieces over this ... and I never thought those pieces could fit together again. I never wanted them to. It was never a consideration.Until now.
“Did she ever try to contact you?”
“Once. She called and let me talk to Izzy. I think she was trying to get me to come after her in some fucked-up game with our daughter as bait.”
“I’m so sorry.”
I sit up. Gabrielle lays an arm over my shoulders and rests her head on my arm.
My throat is dry. My stomach is twisted. My legs itch to move—to get up and pace, to distract myself from thinking about it.
But I don’t. I want Gabrielle to hear all of it so she understands.
“I’ve thought a million times that I should’ve just married her,” I say, my voice hollow. “Would it have been that bad? Who is really getting punished here?Me and Izzy.”
“You can’t marry someone you don’t love, Jay. You can’t marry them because they’re holding something—your daughter, for goodness’ sake—over your head. That’s ...that’s cruel.”
I look at her, taking comfort in the concern in her eyes.
“But would it have been better for Izzy?” I ask.
That’s the million-dollar question. The one that keeps me up at night.Did my decision ruin that little girl’s life?
