Page 80 of Between Now and Forever
“No, Jay. That wouldn’t have been better for Izzy. Being raised in a house with two parents that don’t love one another, that are always sparring and creating dissension ... what would that teach her?”
“What did never seeing her dad teach her?” I fight a well of tears from trickling down my cheeks. “Does she think I don’t love her? That I haven’t thought of her every day for the last four years? Will she grow up and not trust men because I fucked her up?”
Gabrielle crawls into my lap and pulls my head to her shoulder. She holds me close, running her hands up and down my back.
“You didn’t fuck her up,” she says. “You loved her. You got out of a situation that would’ve put her in the crosshairs of a lot of unhealthy interactions, even though it’s clear it killed you.” She kisses my shoulder. “You showed her what love is, Jay.”
I lean back and position Gabrielle so she’s straddling me. I hold her thighs and gaze up at this woman—this single mom I’m falling for.
“And that’s why I’m ...” I don’t know how to finish the sentence. “You know what I mean.”
“That’s why you’re scared of getting involved with me. Because I’m a single mom just like Melody.”
“Yeah. Ironic, isn’t it?” I sigh. “I’m not saying you’d ever do anything like that.”
She smiles. “Of course not. But you’d be inhuman if you didn’t have some fear.”
I take a long, deep breath and blow it out slowly. “I don’t want this over my head anymore.”
“Guess we have that in common then, don’t we?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to second-guess every move I make anymore either.I want to live again.I want to not be scared.”
My hands find her hips.
Excitement and anxiety mix together in a cocktail of energy that bubbles in my gut. I can’t believe I’m about to say this. But not saying it all is impossible.
Am I doing exactly what I promised myself I wouldn’t? It looks that way. Can I see it any other way?
She grins down at me like a fucking angel.
Nope. This is the way it’s supposed to be.
“Wanna see what this could be?” I ask. “My track record isn’t great, and it might not be worth your time. Come to think of it, I might not be worthy of your—”
“Will you shut up?” She laughs, the sound nothing short of music to my ears. “We can see what this can be if you can stop talking nonsense.”
I grin. “Weren’t you on me to talk before?”
“Funny how things change, huh?” Her cheeks are split by a wide smile. “I want to be really careful around the boys. I’m not against them knowing we’re ... friendly. I just don’t want to shock them, I guess.”
Thank God.“Works for me.”
“I’m sure it does.” She lifts up and pulls the sheet off me. Then she sits her pussy down on my cock. “Do you know what would work for me?”
I groan, guiding her hips down harder. “I hope it includes you riding me.”
“Looks like we’re on the same page.”
She begins to lift but stops. Her hair falls into her face as she lowers her lips to mine, kissing me tenderly.
“Thank you for sharing all of that,” she says softly. “It means a lot to me.”
“Thank you for listening.”
The pain in my soul isn’t quite as powerful as it was an hour ago. The load that I carry on my shoulders is a bit lighter. I’m breathing easier.
